


Yrs Forever

by ashilrak



Series: Tumblr Ficlets [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Ficlet Collection, M/M, Minimal warnings, Untagged unless requested
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2018-12-01 19:21:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 53
Words: 24,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11493015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashilrak/pseuds/ashilrak
Summary: A collection of the lams ficlets I've posted on tumblr





	1. You gave me a black eye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -abuse, alcohol-

Alcohol was an interesting drug because no one person acted the same while under its influence. 

Some people got giggly, others got clingy. Aaron always seemed completely sober until you’d look over and he had fallen asleep wherever he happened to be. Lafayette would get flirty, and Jefferson got argumentative, but would cry if you said something too aggressive in his direction.

John Laurens was an angry, violent drunk. 

Alexander didn’t think John knew that though, because he continued to drink. He only got violent when he got drunk enough to the point where he wouldn’t remember what had happened the next morning.

It was a progressive thing. John was always itching for a fight, always ready to defend the little guy - it was what he did. His first beer or two wouldn’t make a visible change, but as he drank more he’d get louder, and his arms would start to swing, and he’d respect a quicker, better response to any question he asked.

Sometimes it resulted in bar fights, but a casual drunken brawl - always incited by something. Alexander didn’t think anyone knew about it except for him, really. They’d go out for the night, and if John didn’t crawl immediately into bed, he’d sometimes sit in front of the tv with another beer in hand.

That was when Alexander would start to get nervous. John would want Alexander with him, of course. But John would drink more and he would do something that didn’t meet the other man’s standards, and fists would make contact

Something deep within Alexander believed that John was better off not knowing. The bruises were easy enough to hide under clothing.

He couldn’t hide the bruise when John’s hand had connected with his face. Alexander had woken up the next morning, and made breakfast as usual. He could hear John coming down the stairs, and turned to greet him with a kiss on the cheek, focusing on his freckles rather than the lingering pain.

Pain was easy to shove down.

John immediately grew concerned upon seeing the mark, and Alexander could feel the emotions start to rise in the chest when John asked, “Alex, baby, what happened?”

Pain was easy to shove down, the guilt when he told John, “You punched me, John, you gave me a black eye,” was not.


	2. Teacher/Single Parent AU

Alexander didn’t know what to expect when he dropped Philip off at school. He knew that Philip had been looking forward to classes starting, but he also knew that Philip didn’t like to go long stretches of time in groups of strangers. He figured that Philip would be excited to walk in and see all the kids, but that Philip would start to get a little nervous when he went to leave.

He took Philip’s hand and walked toward the classroom he had been told would be Philip’s, “C’mon Pip, over here.”

“Dad, I don’t know anyone.”

Alex kept the smile on his face, “I know, but that’s the fun of it! I didn’t know anyone when I went to school either.”

“But Dad, you were old!”

“That just makes it worse,” Alex chuckled. 

They made it into the classroom, and he directed Philip to hand his coat and book bag with the others, “Let’s go find your teacher.”

The further they got into the classroom the more hesitant Philip became. Alex could feel Philip pressing closer to his leg. The teacher’s desk was in the back corner, and he was talking with other parents going through the same steps. Alex wasn’t able to get a good look at him as he was running a hand through Philip’s hair.

Alex began to rethink everything the moment the teacher turned to face him. His smile was wide, and he was exactly the type Alex wouldn’t mind picking up when he was out. He squatted so he was eye-level with Philip, “Hi there! I’m Mr. Laurens, and I’m your teacher this year! What’s your name?”

Philip’s voice was quiet, “Philip Hamilton, Dad calls me Pip.”

“Is that right?” The teacher stood up, “Well Pip, do you want to go play with some legos? You look like the type of kid to like legos.”

Alex smiled when Philip’s face brightened, “I love legos!”

Philip ran into the corner as directed, and Alex turned to look at the teacher. He stretched out his hand, “Hi, I’m Alexander, Philip’s dad.”

The teacher accepted it, “John Laurens, you can call me John, if you want. The first couple days are always a bit scary for the kids, so I try to get as comfortable as possible with the parents so anything that needs to be talked out can be.”

Alex nodded, “Alright. I’m not too good at this sort of thing. His mother always took him to pre-school and stuff - I was always too busy working. I have him this week though, so the duty falls to me.”

John nodded, “Wait, that might be why I don’t recognize you, a lot of parents came in to do pre-class conferences and paperwork and such.”

“That sounds right, she’s better at that sort of thing.”

John looked at him for a moment before reaching around to grab a pen and a post-it off my desk, “Alright, so this is a little odd, but I try to give my personal number to some parents who might find the transition a little bit more difficult. If you have any questions, please feel free to send a text or call. I know it’s important to know how your kid is doing, and if you don’t have him every week, you might not get the chance for conferences and such.”

Alex took the paper and held-back the flirtatious words threatening to bubble up, “Thank you so much, this means a lot.”

“Not a problem.”


	3. Ah, unrequited love. When your best isn’t enough. (Participation medals of the heart).

Aaron knew he wasn’t the only one that saw Alexander’s light - anyone with a semblance of sight could. Alexander burned and attracted brilliance to him like moths to a flame. 

He had thought he had lucked out, getting him as a roommate. He didn’t have to try to fight to get noticed, and the conversations they had more than made up for all of Alexander’s quirks he had to put up with. 

It was easier to fall in love with Alexander once bathed in his light. Aaron could see affection in the eyes of everyone, and he recognized it in his own heart.

Every night, when they’d lie on their sides of the room, Alexander’s voice would fill the air alongside the sound of typing and Aaron woud try to summon up the courage to tell Alex how he felt. 

He never did.

But, at some point along the way, John Laurens was braver than Aaron had any hope of being, and Alex’s words started to center around Laurens. Everytime Aaron heard Alex say the name, it was like a pin being stuck through his heart.


	4. Can we go someplace high so I can jump off it?

John was sitting in his favorite corner in the coffee shop - the one with the old, ripped up leather couch that he sank into - with pencil in hand and sketchbook open, working on the shading of old sketches when someone sat down next to him and a familiar voice asked, “Can we go someplace high so I can jump off it?”

He set his pencil down and turned to look at his boyfriend, “what happened this time?”

Alex threw his head back, “It was Jefferson, he’s insisting that we shouldn’t have new members pay dues.”

“Don’t you need money to run the club?”

“That’s what I’ve been saying,” Alex ran a hand through his hair, “but he’s just not listening - he says it’s it not fair.”

“Aren’t you in charge of that?”

“Yes! And Washington’s agreeing with me, but he’s going on and on about how I can’t make decisions for everyone without approval of the rest of the board, which is stupid because literally every club on campus that does anything worthwhile has dues and yet he’s trying to get us to be different! Ugh! It’s terrible!”


	5. It’s 8:30, I have a hangover and you’re annoying me.

There was little worse in the world than a hangover. John didn’t know why he always managed to forget about them before a night out, but it happened time and time again and he would be left shoving his face into a pillow fighting against a blooming headache and nauseau.

It wouldn’t be as bad if he could sleep them off, but he never could. He’d crash for an hour or two after falling into bed, but once the alcohol started to run through his system his rest would get more and more fitful until he was awake and unwilling to move. 

No one was sure how Alexander Hamilton functioned in general, but there was something downright miraculous about the way he could go from slurring every word, unable to hold himself straight to bouncing on his toes and shouting off ideas within hours without any sign of discomfort.

John knew that Alexander had been matching him shot for shot last night, and that Alex had kept going long after John crawled back to his dorm. What John didn’t know was why Alexander insisted on coming to wake him up every single morning, no matter what was happening in their lives.

Alex walked into his room with no attempt to quiet his movements, and John groaned into his pillow. He flipped onto his back, and squeezed his eyes shut when Alex turned on the lights. 

When he peered through his lashes, John saw that Alex was much too cheery and much too close. He took in a deep breath, “what the hell are you doing here? How are you not dead? I’m dead. Let me be dead.”

“I’m afraid not, my dear Laurens,” Alexander smiled bright, “we have the entire day ahead of us.”

John groaned, “what time is it?” 

“A little after eight.”

“I regret asking.”

He heard Alexander’s bag slide to the floor, and a moment later he felt his boyfriend’s weight settle on top of him. John opened his eyes, unsurprised to see Alex’s face, and asked, “why?”

“Sunday’s our date day, John.”

“No. Sunday is the day you drag me to the library with you when I’d much rather stay in bed.”

Alex poked his chest, “I don’t see why you insist on breaking the tradition. Come on, it’s time to go.”

“No. It’s 8:30, I have a hangover, and you’re annoying me. It’s time for me to stay right here, and you to either join me, silently, or leave me here to go back to dying.”

Alex worried his lip, “Fine. How about this: I lay down here with you for a bit, completely quiet, and then we go to the library.”

“Fine.”

John wriggled closer to the wall, and Alex settled along his side, nose against his throat, “isn’t this nice?”

“Go to sleep, John.”


	6. allergy, coffee, groceries, lip-chap and unicorns

Life had thrown a great many things at Alexander Hamilton, and he had come out the winner in every situation, as proven by his continued existence. 

But the man behind the cash register was something he was having difficulty describing. Alex had always found comfort in words - written or spoken, it didn’t matter. Language was an instrument he had mastered at a young age. 

It was humiliating for the self-proclaimed wordsmith to stutter out, “Uh, you, uh, do you have lip-chap, no! Stick! For lips, chaplip!” 

The cashier raised a brow, “chapstick?”

“Yes! That!” 

He ran a hand through his hair and looked away.

“It’s right next to you,” the cashier sounded bored, and Alex’s mind was racing as he tried to think of something to say.

He put the chapstick with the rest of his groceries on the conveyor, doing his best to ignore the judgmental stares no doubt being aimed at him by the cashier that was too attractive to merit a description. 

“Do you have a point card?” The cashier’s voice was smooth enough to make even a routine question sound like an invitation to bed.

Alex swallowed around the lump in his throat, “No.”

“Would you like one?”

His mouth started moving before his mind did, “no, but I would like your number.”

“Excuse me?” the cashier looked taken aback.

Alex took in a deep breath, “Yeah, we could get coffee or something, unless you have an allergy or something. Actually, you know what, if you’re allergic to coffee I take that back.”

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

“No,” Alex said, “i’m asking the unicorns right behind you. Of course I’m asking you out on a date.”

“This is the most bizarre combination I’ve had in my life.”

“If you say yes I’m going to take that as a challenge.”

“Why not? The name’s John, by the way.”

Alex smiled, “Alex.”


	7. Yellow, key, lost, wine, needle

A key shouldn’t hurt so much. 

Alex curled his fingers around the piece of metal, squeezing tight enough to assure the edges would leave indentations in his skin. 

Everyday he’d pick the key up, fight against the emotion swelling in his chest and tears threatening to leak from the corners of his eyes, and then set it back down in its tray. The tray remained where it had always been and continued to be used like it didn’t stab a hole in Alex’s heart every time his eyes fell on it.

But he didn’t have the option of putting the key back any more; John’s lease was almost up, and Alex needed to clear out the apartment. 

John wasn’t there anymore - lost to the sands of time. John had been so full of life, and then Alex had gotten the call from the hospital, telling him he was listed as the emergency contact of a young man who had gotten hit by a car while crossing the street. 

By the time he got there, John was already dead.

The moment he walked in and was greeted by a nurse wearing an expression he had become familiar with at a young age, it was as if a thousand needles pushed there way into his heart, a sharp burst of pain followed by crippling numbness. 

That was months ago, and now Alex had to face the reality he had spent so long trying to ignore.

Eliza checked on the apartment once a week to make sure no one had broken in and no disasters had occurred, but she was never there long enough to leave a sigh of her presence. 

It was untouched - the faded yellow walls down to the empty bottle of wine still sitting on the table. It was a monument of sorts to the memory of what he had once had, and now it all had to go.

Alex took another step in the apartment, could feel it in his chest that if he were to take in a deep enough breath that it’d be shaky with the sound and feel of incoming tears, and froze.

He dropped to his knees and grabbed the sketchbook that was lying open on the coffee table, in the exact place John had placed it. 

On the page was a half-finished sketch. It was Alex, head thrown back with laughter and a sparkle in his eyes he knew had long-ago disappeared. 

There was no one with him to hear the sound that escaped him, and for that, Alex let himself be grateful.


	8. Tiny, cheese, pillow, hot, words

“Fun size candy is a disgrace to mankind.”

Alex looked over, “john, what the fuck? It’s three on the morning. If I had known you were awake trust me when I say we would have been spending this time much more productively, if you know what I mean,”

John blinked, “you insult me and proposition me in one breath.”

“What can I say,” Alex shrugged, “i have a way with words.”

John stuck out his tongue, “I’m going to continue to make my point, fun size candy is a disgrace.”

“Why is it a disgrace, John?”

John lifted his head and slammed it back into the pillow, “it’s so tiny, I don’t get it. It doesn’t do anything - it serves no purpose. All a fun-size piece of candy ends up achieving is making me go and grab more candy. And the all the wrappers and trash! That can’t be good for the environment.”

Alex sighed, “whatever you say, babe, whatever you say.”

“You don’t appreciate me, you think I’m stupid, don’t you?”

“No,” Alex laughed, “I don’t think you’re stupid exactly, but I will say that it’s a good thing you’re hot.”

John opened his mouth and then closed it again. 

Alex raised a brow, “See?”

John narrowed his eyes, “Why am I dating you again?”

“Because I’m a genius and I’m fantastic in bed and who else would be putting up with your ridiculous conversation right now.”

“I wouldn’t say you’re putting up with it,” John poked Alex’s shoulder, “and don’t act so confident about your skills, my dude.”

“Go to sleep, John.”

“You’re one to talk,” John moved his head to rest on Alex’s shoulder, “what are you doing, anyway?”

Alex continued to type, “essay.”

“Let me guess, one that’s not even going to be assigned for another couple weeks.”

Alex smiled, “you know me too well.”

John pressed a kiss to Alex’s shirt, “I love you.”

“Kissing my shirt is a great way of showing that.”

“I’d move but I’m lazy. Besides, my love is intense enough that mere fabric couldn’t protect you.”

“You’re so cheesy that Jefferson would put you in a pasta and call you french cuisine.”

John chuckled, “that doesn’t even make sense.”

“It doesn’t need to.”

“Mac and cheese isn’t french what the hell?”

Alex shrugged, “tell that to Jefferson.”

“No thank you.”


	9. Guess I’m giving up again.

John threw his phone at the wall, and turned around and jumped onto his bed, screaming into his pillow. He was sure they could hear him out in the hall, but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

He closed his eyes, feeling the tell-tale burn of tears, and worked on breathing. His hands fisted the fabric, and with every exhale came a sort of muffled groan.

The door opened, and he could hear the faint sound of the music that was playing from Alex’s headphones. A bookbag crashed to the floor, the music stopped, and a weight settled on the bed, warm against his side.

Alex’s hand went to his shoulder, “hey, you okay? Do you want me to go? Do you want to talk?”

John groaned again, “it’s my father.”

“What?”

He flipped onto his back, “my father.”

Alex’s hand went back to his shoulder, “what did he want this time?”

“He saw that I switched majors,” John let out a deep breath, “and he went on an entire rant about how he wasn’t paying my college tuition for me to study some girly science and art, of all things.”

“I’d think he’d be okay with STEM though.”

John lifted his hands to cover his eyes, “you’d think, but no - biology is for girls who want to play at being nurse, apparently.”

Alex frowned, “that’s not true at all.”

“Try telling him that.” John groaned again, for good measure.

“What are you going to do about it?”

“I don’t know, probably nothing,” John lowered his hands and blinked at the ceiling, “I mean, I can’t really lie about it anymore. I’ll just have to turn him around to the idea of me becoming a doctor instead of a lawyer.”

Alex raised a brow, “and if he doesn’t come around?”

“Then I guess I’m just going to give up.”

Alex’s eyes narrowed, “that doesn’t sound very much like the John Laurens you know.”

“Perhaps not,” John agreed, “but it does fall in line with what Henry Laurens wants for his son.”

“Have I told you I hate your father?”

John laughed, “you have, but that’s not going to fix anything.”

“I hate this,” Alex sighed, “what can I do to help? Pretend it’s not happening? Call your father and yell at him? Which I really want to do, by the way. Get Laf to sneak us some beer?”

John smiled, “how about you just kiss me, for now?”

Alex leaned forward, “now that is something I have no problem doing.”

“Then get to it.”


	10. You can’t come until I say so. Understand?

John looked at Alex, taking in the sweat-sheen of his skin and his eyes squeezed shut as he moved his hips in an attempt to find friction.

Alex was beautiful like this. Alex was always beautiful, but spread out before John like this, he was breathtaking.

He kneeled in between Alex’s spread legs, hands moving up and down Alex’s thighs, hands avoiding where Alex wanted to be touched the most. “Oh, baby boy, you look so pretty for me.”

John’s hands inched up higher, making Alex whine. “You can’t come until I say so. Understand?”

Alex said nothing, but pushed his hips up.

John’s hands stilled and squeezed the flesh of Alex’s thighs. “Do you understand?”

Alex looked at him, eye only half open, pupils blown wide. “Yes, sir, as long as you touch me. Please.”


	11. Please just kiss me one last time?

John knew that there was no happy ending for him and Alex. 

He had waited too long. The one time in his life had had decided to wait and sit back and let it work itself out had put him here - trying his best to pull himself together in the backseat of an uber on the way to pick up his best friend for said best friend’s bachelor party.

Alex had been the type to jump from person to person - falling in love hard and fast, and having those feelings fade away just as quickly. John had wanted more than that. He didn’t want to be another name on the long list of Alexander Hamilton’s flings, and above that, he hadn’t wanted to ruin their friendship.

Maybe it the romantic movies he filled his time with, but John had thought it would work out. Time would pass, and they would remain as close as ever, and as Alexander matured, they’d fall together. It’d be natural, it’d be easy; like it was always meant to be.

But Alexander had been dumped by Jefferson, and decided that the best way to deal with that was by getting drunk and finding the nearest willing body. John still wasn’t sure what had made him do it - he had known it was a terrible idea - but he had wanted. When Alexander had straddled his thighs and started to press wet kisses along his neck, John had made no move to stop it.

It could have been the end of their friendship. 

But instead they woke up the next morning, naked and sharing a bed, and Alex had kissed him once on the lips and said thank you. Later that day Alex had gone on and on about how happy he was to have a friend like John. 

Two weeks later, just as John was summoning the courage to go through with it and tell Alex how he really felt, Alex met Eliza. And the rest was history.

The ride to Alex’s apartment wasn’t long, and John was knocking on the door, his mind still whirring with thoughts he longed to push down. 

Alex opened the door, grinning wide. “John! Come in, come in!”

John walked in, and instead of taking his normal seat on the couch, remained standing. 

“Betsey is already out. Laf should be here in about half an hour, since he insisted on taking care of everything. Do you want a beer or something?”

“A beer sounds great.”

A cold bottle was pushed into his hand. “John, are you okay? Something seems to be bothering you.”

He blinked. 

Alex’s eyes were staring at him, wide and trusting. “You know you can tell me anything, right? You’ve been tense lately? You wanna talk about it? We should have a little bit of time before the others get here?”

John looked away. He drank half the bottle in one go. 

Alex placed a hand on his arm. “Dude, seriously, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t tell you.” John shook his head, and took another swig.

Alex stepped closer. “What do you mean you can’t tell me? I thought we could trust each other with anything.”

He sighed. “I don’t want to ruin this Alex. You’re my best friend, I don’t want to ruin this.”

“How could you possibly ruin this? We’ve been best friends for years, nothing’s going to change that.”

John dragged a hand down his face, hundreds of scenarios flashing through his mind, each worse than the last. He was here because he hadn’t acted - had let Alex free to figure out his own life, and had watched as Alex figured out his life with Eliza. 

“I’m still in love with you, Alex. Okay, that’s it. I’ve been in love with you for years and I can’t take it anymore.”

He turned to look out the window, unwilling to see Alex’s anger and disappointment.

He waited.

Alex’s hand squeezed his arm. “I don’t know what you want me to do.”

“Neither do I.”

Alex pulled him around so they were staring at each other. “Yes, you do. What do you want, John? I can’t say I’m going to call of the wedding, because that’s not happening. I don’t want to lie to Betsey like that, I don’t want to go into this marriage already planning an affair I can’t promise you that.”

There were a lot of things to break apart. John said nothing.

Alex stepped closer. “I’m not leaving Betsey for you John, it’s too late. But God, had you asked me a year ago even, I would have broken her heart without a moment’s hesitation if it meant I got to call you mine.”

The beer bottle slipped out of his hand, crashing onto the floor. “What?”

Another step closer. “Oh, my John. Please, tell me what I can do to help, please. I need you to stay in my life, tell me what I need to do to make that happen.”

He swallowed. “Please just kiss me.” 

“That’s it?”

John laughed. “That’s it? Yes. One time, one last time. I don’t want to force you away from your wife Alexander, but–”

He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence because Alex’s hand was in his hair yanking him down to crash their lips together. 

Alex pulled away, a smile playing at the corner of his mouth, “you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

John’s hands went to Alex’s hips. “More.”


	12. Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?; I almost lost you.

He was taking a risk. John peeled off his uniform, folded it, and placed it on his cot. It was the cabin he shared with Alexander, no one would come in. It was a bad idea to be any more vulnerable than necessary in times of war, and he was doing it anyway. The air was cold against his skin, harsh and biting. 

John curled up in the wool blanket on Alexander’s cot, knowing he put himself in his position. Alexander always shared dreams and fantasies by candlelight, had gone one and on about how he wished nothing more than for security and a world where he could come home to John waiting in his bed for him, naked and wanting.

Security and warmth and safety were not things John could guarantee, but he could offer himself to Alexander, could wait for his lover in their shared cabin. 

It was every day his lover came back from the dead, and the emotional turmoil he had suffered was more than enough cause for a little celebration.

John was dozing off when Alexander finally walked in, a gust of cold air following. Alexander grinned, and John sat up, letting the blanket fall. 

Alexander’s eyes widened. “My dearest Laurens, is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?”

He stood up and walked toward Alexander, placing a kiss on the man’s open mouth. “I have decided that we have reason to celebrate, and you once told me you wished to come home to me waiting for you to have your way with. Now, I know this isn’t exactly what you wanted, but–”

His sentence was cut-off when Alexander pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. “This is perfect, my John. Now tell me, what is the occasion?” 

John looked toward the ground and reached his hands up to fist in the fabric of Alexander’s coat. “I almost lost you. I thought I had lost you. The fact that you’re here, now, after I thought I’d never see you again, never get to taste your kiss or see your smile or hear your sweet laughter, the joy I felt upon laying eyes upon you again is more than enough cause for celebration, my Alexander.”

A finger traced his lips. “Of course, John, of course.”


	13. Fluffy Wham-Lams

The General had expressed interest in Laurens before - the occasional comment about the looks he had seemed aimed Alexander’s way by the other man and how handsome a pair they’d make. The comments were followed by hands squeezing Alexander’s hips and teeth pressing into sensitive skin, but Alexander could recognize the look in George’s eyes.

Washington was intrigued by the idea of his aides tangled together.

Had Alexander not already been aware of the affections Laurens held for him, he might have been more worried over how simple it was for him to lure his friend into the General’s tent long after the others had gone to sleep. Alexander had reached out his hand when Laurens had moved to leave, light enough to just brush against Laurens’ finger. “Stay, just for a little bit.”

John had nodded and sat closer to him. Laurens had nothing to work on, letters and reports finished for the day. Alexander could feel the weight of Laurens’ looks. He’d brush their hands, knock their knees together, lick his lips, and look over to see Laurens, cheeks flushed. It was a simple seduction, and one that could have been passed over.

He finished the last loop on the General’s signature and looked over. “I have finished my work for today. Thank you for accompanying me.”

Laurens leaned forward. “Why did you asked me to stay, Alexander?”

“Well,” he smirked. “I find your company pleasant, but, I will admit,” he dropped his gaze to Laurens’ lips, “my reasons were perhaps more selfish and less moral.”

Alexander didn’t need to say another word before Laurens’ lips were against his own, soft and unsure. He licked into Laurens’ mouth, guiding and controlling the kiss. He pulled away and smiled, brought his finger up to push a piece of hair behind Laurens’ ear. 

Behind Laurens, George Washington entered the tent.

He leaned in for another kiss, John more enthusiastic and more confident, quiet sounds of pleasure masking the General’s footsteps. 

Alexander felt a strong hand land on the back of his neck. “Just as beautiful as I had imagined.”

John startled, pulling away. Alexander chuckled, and grabbed John’s hand. “No, John, all is well.”

John’s eyes were wide. “You mean?”

“Yes.” George’s other hand went to John’s shoulder. “You will be joining us for the evening, if amenable.”

John nodded. “Very amenable, sir.”

“In these circumstances, I do believe it best if you call me George.”


	14. Are you leaving already?

John’s eyes locked with Alexanders, and Angelica rose from her chair. John turned to look at her. “Are you leaving already?”

She nodded, a smile playing on her lips.

It was dangerous for Angelica to leave them alone together, and she knew it. 

Too much wine combined with a sort of melancholy led to a night of confessions that could have had John hanged with his cock stuffed in his mouth and Angelica shamed by society. 

But Angelica also knew how much they needed this. 

The door had just shut behind her when John had a familiar weight in his lap, familiar hands in his hair, a familiar mouth on his neck. His hands dropped to Alexander’s hips, dropping down to stroke up and down Alexander’s thighs. He sucked in a breath of air. “Oh, my Alexander, how I’ve missed you.”

Alexander pulled back, hair falling out of his queue and framing his face. He grinned, a familiar expression that lit a fire in John’s core. “My dearest Laurens, my soul has longed for yours since the last moment I saw you. My body has ached for you touch these past months, thinking of the pleasures you could bring it. My brain has formed all sorts of imaged, from us marching through congress arm in arm, to you tangled in my bed sheets, breathing out my name in your ecstasy.”

“Oh, Hamilton.” He smiled. “You’re just as distracted as always, so willing to lead me to your bed when our wives are just past that door.”

Hamilton’s mouth went back to his neck and John held back a moan. “Hmm, that might be true, but if you really insist, we can limit our actions to intelligent conversation, if you so desire.”

John squeezed Alexander’s thighs. “Maybe another time.”


	15. Are you leaving already?

John’s eyes locked with Alexanders, and Angelica rose from her chair. John turned to look at her. “Are you leaving already?”

She nodded, a smile playing on her lips.

It was dangerous for Angelica to leave them alone together, and she knew it. 

Too much wine combined with a sort of melancholy led to a night of confessions that could have had John hanged with his cock stuffed in his mouth and Angelica shamed by society. 

But Angelica also knew how much they needed this. 

The door had just shut behind her when John had a familiar weight in his lap, familiar hands in his hair, a familiar mouth on his neck. His hands dropped to Alexander’s hips, dropping down to stroke up and down Alexander’s thighs. He sucked in a breath of air. “Oh, my Alexander, how I’ve missed you.”

Alexander pulled back, hair falling out of his queue and framing his face. He grinned, a familiar expression that lit a fire in John’s core. “My dearest Laurens, my soul has longed for yours since the last moment I saw you. My body has ached for you touch these past months, thinking of the pleasures you could bring it. My brain has formed all sorts of imaged, from us marching through congress arm in arm, to you tangled in my bed sheets, breathing out my name in your ecstasy.”

“Oh, Hamilton.” He smiled. “You’re just as distracted as always, so willing to lead me to your bed when our wives are just past that door.”

Hamilton’s mouth went back to his neck and John held back a moan. “Hmm, that might be true, but if you really insist, we can limit our actions to intelligent conversation, if you so desire.”

John squeezed Alexander’s thighs. “Maybe another time.”


	16. The sun’s almost down. Won’t be long now.

“Alex, babe,” John shoved Alex’s shoulder. “Love of my life, sun of my universe, you piece of shit, wake the fuck up.”

“Unnnh.” Alex’s face pressed into his neck. “I don’t wanna.”

John smiled and shoved harder. “The sun’s almost down. Won’t be long now. C’mon, you only gotta wake up for like, an hour, maybe. And then you can go back to sleep and I can carry you like a damsel in distress.”

Alex moved off of him. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“If you can’t stay awake for the fireworks I will.”

Alex’s eyes closed, and the familiar weight returned to his shoulder. “I really don’t get why we have to be here.” A hand settled on John’s thigh. “I mean, everyone is all out here, we could be inside.”

He laughed. “No, it’s a tradition.” He grabbed Alex’s hand and placed it on the ground. “We’re watching the fireworks, whether you like it or not.”

“You’re terrible.”

John pressed his lips to the top of Alex’s hair. “I love you.”

“Mmmhmm, love you too. I guess.”


	17. I can’t believe my father/mother/parent listened to me. At least I don’t have to hide who I am with you, right?

John could feel the tension throughout his body, his steps stiff as he followed his father through the palace. 

“John, as Crown Prince, there are certain things that are expected of you. I have taken it upon myself to arrange for you a marriage. This has been a point of contention for us in the past.”

He snorted. 

Henry continued. “After much deliberation, I have taken some of what you said into consideration. Your fiance is not someone I would have chosen for you, but several people I trust have vouched for them, including the Washingtons of Virginia.”

“I see.”

“Lord Schuyler of New York will be your chaperone. You are to be married in two weeks’ time.” The guard opened the doors for them. “I shall see you at dinner.”

John nodded. “Of course, Father.”

He heard the door shut behind him and focused on the room he was in. Lord Schuyler was sitting in a chair in the corner wearing a smirk. Standing in front of him was not one one of Lord Schuyler’s daughters as John had expected, but instead a handsome man wearing a suit of bottle green. 

John gasped and the man smiled wide and bowed. “Hello, I am Alexander Hamilton, and I do believe that we are engaged to be married. I hope you don’t mind if I say you are particularly handsome.”

“I can’t believe my father listened to me.” John shook his head and laughed. “But yes, I do suppose we’re engaged. Call me John, please.” 

He stepped toward the sofa. “Uh, do you want to sit?”

Alex nodded. “Of course, John.”

“So, at least I don’t have to hide who I am with you, right?”

“I would hope not.” Alex laughed.

“In that case,” John grabbed Alex’s hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it. “I hope you don’t mind if I say that you’re gorgeous.”

Alex’s cheeks darkened. “I don’t mind at all.”


	18. I don’t want to marry you at all, the person I love is someone else.

John could still feel Alex’s teeth on him, still blossoming bruises aching along his collarbones and down his sides, sensitive skin chafing against the soft fabric of his breeches.

Martha Manning was a sweet girl, fair with pleasing features and bright eyes. Her cheeks always flushed when he walked into a room, and John knew that she had somehow fooled herself into thinking she was in love with him. Tonight was the ball celebrating their engagement. John pasted the smile Alex hated so much onto his face and offered Martha his arm. “You look beautiful.”

It wasn’t a lie, but John knew that she was nothing compared to what Alex looked like when caught in the throws of passion. 

Their guests were waiting for them to enter the room, and John inhaled deep as the guards opened the doors. 

He had no doubt in his mind that beside him Martha’s heart was fluttering, her chest filling with anticipation and excitement as she was introduced for the first time as the future wife of John Laurens. Her hand squeezed his arm tight, and he smiled through it. 

They walked into the room and John could feel Alex’s eyes boring into his side.

The first hours of the ball passed in a blur - champagne flowing, music playing, laughter filling the air, and sharp words piercing like swords, looking for chinks in people’s armor.

Alex’s gaze was heavier tonight, somehow. 

He grabbed two glasses of champagne off the tray of a passing waiter and handed one to Martha. “Here you are. Sorry I’m not more enthused, I’m simply more tired than I thought.”

Martha accepted the drink with a small smile and took a sip. “I know that us women do tend to be more excited about these things, but you seem unhappy, John.”

He shrugged and took another sip to excuse his lack of response.

“It’s almost like you don’t want to get married.”

John shook his head. “It’s not the concept of marriage, necessarily.”

He must have had more to drink than he thought, because not a single ounce of the expected regret came at the hurt that flashed in Martha’s eyes.

“What do you mean? Is it me? Have I done something to offend you?” Her voice was a whisper, cracking at the end. “I know we don’t know each other that well, but surely you can grow to love me, as a friend if nothing else.”

John sighed. “I don’t want to marry you at all, the person I love is someone else.”

Martha’s eyes narrowed. “Who is she?”

John did not reply. He stared straight ahead, locking eyes with Alex, and emptied his glass. He blinked and looked away. The empty glass was handed off and he extended his arm. “Dance with me, we have a show to put on.”

\--

John had been fighting the urge all night to go and hide in some alcove and wrap himself in Alex’s arms. Alex’s eyes had been burning bright on him all evening, and Martha’s silent presence at his side forcing him to remain put making him want to leave all the more.

He wasn’t supposed to leave, but the night continued to drag on and as the guests became less sober and filed out, John wasn’t able to stay any longer. He dropped his arm and turned his back to Martha. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Are you going to go to her, then? The woman you’re so in love with you won’t even consider me as an option?” Martha’s voice was cold and biting, hurt having developed and festered throughout the evening.

He let out a short breath. “I’m marrying you, aren’t I? I don’t have to consider you as an option; you’re my only one. I mean, I suppose you could always break it off, but if you’re counting on my to do that, it’s never going to happen.” 

Marriage was a safety net. He was expected to have affairs once he married a lady of respectable standing. Alex would figure out a way to keep it subtle.

John walked away before Martha could say another word. He didn’t get very far out of the ballroom before he was tugged into an unused room. Panic rose in him, but was soothed by the familiar voice whispering in his ear, “I’ve been watching you all night, parading around your wife to be, knowing that under these respectable layers you’re claimed by my lips and teeth. How did that feel? Was that a hitch in your step, or were you just clumsy?”

He was pushed down onto a stiff sofa and Alex sat across his lap, eyes bright and smile wide. “I wanted to walk right up to you and kiss that public smile of yours right off your face. The scandal would have been worth it, you know, if it meant the world knew you were mine.”

His hands rose to rest on Alex’s thighs of their own accord. “You know I’d give you that and the world if I could, but I can’t. You know I can’t. It wouldn’t only ruin me, but it’d be worse for you. You know what they say of you, that you seduced your way into the Schuylers’ pockets.”

“Philip views me as a son, nothing more.”

John pressed a kiss to Alex’s cheek. “Please, I don’t want to talk about Philip Schuyler when I’m alone in a room with you all to myself.”

Alex laughed, a sound that filled John’s chest with joy. “You brought it up first.”

“I suppose that’s fair. Now, kiss me, Alex. I need you to wipe away any trace of Martha Manning.”

Lips went to his jawline. “It’d be my pleasure.”


	19. I never thought I’d be able to marry who I wanted– at least you’re my type. It’s a start.

The air was cold against his bare skin. He had been stripped of his clothing, had been told it was the best way to present himself for the prince.

He wasn’t alone. Alexander wasn’t sure how he had gotten caught up in this mess, but there he was, standing with about five others Washington had sent, waiting for the Prince to come in and make a decision.

One of them would marry the Prince, secure the ties to bring the needed resources to the army. The Prince got to choose who to take into his bed. 

A young man walked in, curly hair pulled back into a messy ponytail, and circled the room. Alexander observed the man going down the line, staring each of them up and down. He was dressed plainly, an advisor to the Prince. 

One by one, the room emptied.

The man stood in front of Alexander. “I never thought I’d be able to marry who I wanted- at least you’re my type. It’s a start.”

He blinked. “You’re the prince.”

“Yes.”

Alexander nodded. “Am I it then? Are we to be married.”

“Yes.” The Prince nodded. “I suppose we are.”

“Can I have some clothing?”

The Prince smirked. “No. I rather like you like this.”


	20. Desperate enough to give you to me even though there will be no heir. I must say I’m pleased

It was no secret that Henry Laurens had somehow found himself penniless. No one knew how, and whispers were full of rumors of gambling away his fortune and drowning in debt. Even with empty pockets, Henry Laurens had been determined to cling on to his pride. 

Until now.

Alexander stepped closer to the young man standing at attention in front of him, circling, silent and taking in the trim figure and pretty face. “Desperate enough to give you to me even though there will be no heir. I must say I’m pleased.”

John Laurens said not a word.

“Imagine my surprise when Washington told me he had found me a husband. Had said that it’d be a personal sacrifice to marry you, giving up my chance at a family. He told me I’d be admired for it. I’m not inclined to believe him in that regard, but I find myself intrigued by the promise of a bright mind unafraid to share his opinions and thoughts with me.” Alexander froze, staring John Laurens down. “Of course, I won’t tolerate any disrespect. I’m the type your father would have spat on without a second glance, and now I’m marrying his son. It’s interesting how these things play out, is it not.?”

John Laurens remained silent.

He stepped closer. “Say something. I know you have something to say. I’ve heard you’re quite feisty.”

Laurens’ eyes narrowed. “Why should I give you my respect when you’ve earned none.”

Alexander smiled. “Because, my dear, I’m to be your husband. We might both be men, but in this situation, you’re the bride.”

“The day I listen to you will be my last.”

“Then I suppose you’re not going to live a very long life.”


	21. Didn’t it occur to you that you’re hurting me, too?!

John could see how much it hurt Alexander to say. He had found a girl - the daughter of a rich family who he had fallen in love with, and who had fallen in love with him back. Their whatever it was needed to end. Alexander was soon to be a married man. But, going by the pain glinting in Alexander’s eyes, he wasn’t ready to give everything up.

John stepped forward and reached down to wrap his hand around Alexander’s wrist. “Alexander, you don’t have to do this.”

“Yes, I do.” Alexander nodded. “I have to. I can’t do this to Eliza. She deserves better than this. Oh, I don’t want to. My dearest Laurens, you’re the last thing I want to give up. It hurts too much, but it has to be done.”

He took another step forward. “Didn’t it occur to you that you’re hurting me, too?”

Alexander blinked, face falling with some dreadful outpour of emotion. “I, you don’t, I can’t hurt you like that, John. Don’t say that. Please, don’t say that.”

John felt the telltale burn at the corners of his eyes. “Alexander, I’m in love with you. I’m honest-to-god in love with you, despite how wrong this is supposed to be.”

“You can’t be.” Alexander looked at the ground. “I don’t want to hurt you, John.”

He hooked a finger underneath Alexander’s chin. “Too late.” He pressed a kiss to Alexander’s lips and pulled away. “You already have. I wish you a happy marriage, Alexander. I know how much you’ve always wanted a family, it’s about time you found one.”

“John–”

“Shh, you’ve always wanted more than I could give you.” He stepped back. “I’ll see you around, Hammie.”

He turned around and walked away, keeping his head high and fighting against the sobs that wanted to ring through his chest. John bit his lip to keep it from trembling.

He froze mid-step when he heard Alexander call out, voice cracking, “John.”

John took in a breath and continued on his way.


	22. This isn’t the end. Just the part where I say enough is enough.

John recognized the look on Alex’s face and the hitch in the man’s step. Fear of commitment and lack of consideration for others was what had turned Alex into this - a man who would run to the nearest willing body to deal with any sort of emotional upheaval. Alexander Hamilton was a passionate man, and those times only became more and more frequent.

He took in a deep breath. “Alex, I can’t do this anymore.”

“What do you mean?” Alex shut the door behind him and turned to him, eyes wide.

“I mean I can’t keep watching you come back loose from a fresh fuck, expecting me to greet you with a kiss on the cheek like some vintage housewife. I love you, Alex, but this is too much.”

Alex’s mouth dropped opened. “Are you breaking up with me?”

He snorted. “I mean, I would be breaking up with you if you had ever actually admitted to yourself that we’re together. Though, I guess you did, just now.”

Alex rushed forward, falling to his knees, hands moving to rest on John’s thighs. “You can’t do this, John. I need you.”

“No, Alex,” he sighed, “I don’t think you do. Or, at the very least, you’re not willing to work on keeping me. I’ve talked to you about this before, Alex.”

Tears started to well in Alex’s eyes. “You know who I am. I can’t change that. You can’t make me. Please don’t leave me, please don’t make this the end.”

He reached down and ran a thumb over Alex’s cheek. “You’re not willing to put in the effort, that’s the problem. We’ve tried to talk about this before, you know, and every time you just look at me for a minute and then leave to go fuck the first person you find.”

“That’s not true!”

He took in a deep breath, pushing down the anger that was building. He needed to stay calm. If he let his anger get the best of him, as he had too many times in the past, it would mean no chance of a future. He repeated Eliza’s calming words to himself and released the breath. He opened his eyes and raised a brow. “Isn’t it though? Where were you, just now? We were supposed to get dinner, I said we needed to talk, and you text me saying you got caught up with something.”

Alex closed his eyes and dropped his chin. “You can’t do this, John. Please, I love you. You can’t end this.”

John inhaled sharply, savoring the sound of those words from Alex’s lips. “This isn’t the end. Just the part where I say enough is enough. I can’t keep doing this to myself, Alex. I want this to work, more than anything else. But you need time to grow and figure out what you really want.”

“You’re what I really want.”

He leaned down to press a kiss to the top of Alex’s hair. “You might think that, but you’re still too scared.”


	23. Please, don’t tell anyone.

It was all too easy to get lost in one another. The harsh outside world would melt away as lips met skin and hands went between and under layers of fabric. The taste of John’s lips intoxicated like no other drug, and Alex was oblivious to anything but the weight of John’s body in his lap and the hand gripping his hair tight, pulling it from its neat queue.

Next to them, a world away but the distance so small, canvas rustled and the sound of french curses filled the air. 

John pulled away, startled, jumping off of Alex’s lap. “This isn’t what it looks like.”

“Oh no.” Lafayette shook his head. “It is very much what it looks like.”

There was the sound of rushing water in Alex’s ears, the knowledge resting heavy in his gut that he had just lost everything because of his inability to resist his urged. “Please, don’t tell anyone.”

Lafayette looked at the both of them, John on the ground, Alex sitting on the cot, both with mussed hair and kiss-swollen lips. Lafayette sighed and joined John on the ground. “I won’t. I see nothing wrong with such things, you know. It’s you Americans that are so absurd.”

John nodded, and Alex bit his lip. “What are you going to do then?”

Lafayette shrugged and leaned back, hands resting on the ground to support him. “Nothing.”

John ran a hand through his hair and asked, “really?”

“Mmhmm,” Lafayette smiled. “But, I do have a question.”

Alex moved onto the floor. “And what is your question?”

“Might I join?”

John’s mouth dropped open and Alex choked on a laugh. He inhaled a deep breath and calmed, looking Lafayette in the eye. “Why?”

Lafayette shrugged again. “You’re two handsome men, and I miss a loving touch. Whores, while nice, are not so much my cup of tea, as you say.”

“Cup of tea.” John snorted. “Well, I suppose three is hardly normal, but, well, nothing about this is normal.”

Lafayette laughed. “I couldn’t have said it better myself, dear Laurens.”

Not a single one of them moved, uncertain how to proceed but anticipating a change. Alexander smiled and leaned over to Lafayette. “Well, are you going to kiss me or not?”


	24. You have a lot of nerve saying ‘Hello’ like nothing happened

The day had already declared itself a Day and John was tired. 

He had missed his alarm, fallen out of his bed, dropped his phone, and spilled the leftover spaghetti he was eating for breakfast on his shirt. He had run out of Keurig cups the day before, and it was a deep-set frustration that he walked into the coffee shop and claimed his place in line.

John pulled his phone out from his pocket and started to flip through the stories on snapchat, feeling bitterness grow as he saw everyone out living their best lives while he had spent the previous night crying over re-runs of Grey’s Anatomy. There was one story he didn’t watch, but he ignored it with purpose just as he had done every day prior.

The familiar sound of a throat clearing caught his attention. John looked up with a sort of dread filling the space between his ears. In front of him was Alexander Hamilton, phone in one hand, the other entwined with someone else’s. John swallowed the lump in his throat.

Alexander nodded. “Hello.”

Had it been any other day, John might have been able to take in a deep breath and exchange the expected pleasantries and suffer for the rest of the day agonizing over the interaction. Instead, he narrowed his eyes and said, “You have a lot of nerve saying ‘Hello’ like nothing happened.“

Alexander’s eyes went wide, taken aback, It was a conversation that had never happened, had needed to happen, and it was obvious that neither had expected it to happen while waiting in line in a coffee shop. “You’re the one who broke up with me.”

“Yeah.” John balled his fists at his sides. “Because I came home early one day to find some guy’s dick up your ass while what was supposed to be your engagement ring burned in my pocket!”

He let his eyes follow the hand that was in Alexander’s to find a handsome man staring back at him with an open mouth and raised brows. John barked out a laugh. “Bet he didn’t tell you that, did he?”

Alex shook his head. “You never told me about the engagement ring.”

“It’s not like it’d make a difference, Alex.”

Behind them, someone coughed. The line had moved but they had not. They took an awkward couple of steps forward.

Alex still seemed to be in shock. “You, you were planning on proposing.”

“Yes, Alex. Yes I was. You were the love of my life.” There was a quiet voice in the back of his mind telling John that this wasn’t the place for this, but the words wouldn’t stop coming. “I had finally figured everything out. I had just gotten accepted into med-school, I had come out to my Dad - told him you were worth giving up my trust-fund for.”

His voice got louder, and he started to get a vicious pleasure out of watching the realization set in on Alex’s face. “My last fuck you to him was to buy your ring with my father’s money. It’s ridiculous; a huge shiny piece of rock that might have cost more than the island you grew up on. I’ve always known you to have a taste for the finer things, and I figured the sentiment would make it even sweeter.”

“You, you, you came out to your father?” Alex’s voice was small, so different from his usual bravado.

“Yeah, I did.” John laughed again. “I knew you knew better than to push it, but I also know you, Alex. You don’t like being hidden. I figured it was the last thing I could do for you. After all, it was always going to be a struggle. Politics aren’t kind, and I always knew you had aspirations. But I was willing to go with you every step of the way.”

He could feel the tears welling up. “But no, I came home flowers in hand, dinner reservations freshly made, and had to end the call to the hotel because I heard you screaming Daddy for the whole world to hear.”

Alex paled, just a little. He looked toward the handsome, unnamed man. “Bet you didn’t know that one, I’m guessing.”

He turned back to Alex. “I know you’re not immediately open about that, so I knew right away it wasn’t a one-time thing. Do you have any idea how much that killed me? I had just given up everything I had known, my safety net, for you to have you throw it back in my face without a second thought. I should have known better than to trust you, really.”

“John-”

“No, I don’t want to hear it.” He felt free, a weight was lifted off his chest. He knew he had caused a scene, but it was worth it. He needed it, deserved it. He pointed ahead. “It’s your turn to order, don’t hold up the line.”

Alex turned around as if in a stupor, but the still unnamed man’s eyes didn’t leave his face. “Is that true? Is that really what happened?”

John laughed again. “Oh yes, that is exactly what happened. I hate to break it to you, but loverboy here is really good with words and promises, will make you feel like the entire world is laid out before you with your name engraved on it. But the moment you let go of his hand, he’ll go chasing after someone else. He needs the attention, the touch, he thrives off of it.”

The man nodded, brows furrowing together.

Alex’s shoulders were stiff. 

The couple stepped to the side to wait for their order. 

John ordered his own and went back to his phone, ignoring the two stares he could feel aimed his way with a sense of satisfaction. He heard his name first, and written on the side was a phone number. He looked up. The barista winked at him, and for the first time in a while, he winked back.


	25. So you’re my future bride/groom? You’re not what I expected at all.

John didn’t know what to expect from his future spouse. He had been told that the General had arranged a marriage for him with his father’s permission. The General had said he believed the pairing would suit, and that even if it didn’t, the advantages would far outweigh the costs.

He didn’t ask for details, hadn’t wanted to know. He had no desire to form expectations then have them all come crashing down in a tumbling wave of disappointment. 

The day had come, and the General had invited him to meet his spouse. Butterflies filled his stomach, and anticipation shot up and down his spine. The General stood in front of him. “Your spouse is someone I have personally chosen for you. They are someone I would trust with my life; someone I have trusted with my life in more than one way. You’re getting married, yes, to someone I believe will suit you well. However, with that being said, you are doing them more of a favor than they are to you. This arrangement was made as a way to secure their position. Your spouse is one of the most brilliant people I have had the pleasure of knowing, and I pray you do not expect someone who is meek and well-behaved.” 

John felt the confused grow, but did not let it show. The General smiled. “I wish you all the happiness in the world.”

The General left the tent, and John heard the sound of rustling fabric and boots on dirt. He didn’t turn around. A voice, deeper than expected, said, “You must be my husband-to-be.”

He turned on his heel and blinked as he took the solder in. “So it seems. You must be my future groom? You’re not what I expected at all.”

“I’d expect not.” The man laughed, smiling wide. “I am Alexander Hamilton.”

He offered his hand, feeling a returning smile spread across his face. “John Laurens.”


	26. always hear you singing on your balcony (below mine) every morning, but suddenly you’ve stopped?

Alexander Hamilton had a routine in the morning. It wasn’t anything to set a watch by, but there were certain aspects of his morning he relied on to set the tone for the day. He got out of bed after turning off the alarm on his phone and would brush his teeth and pull his hair back into a ponytail. 

He’d go through his emails while waiting for his coffee to brew, and on days when the weather allowed, he’d open the door leading onto the balcony and let the noise of the city wake him up, always accompanied by the sound of a sweet tenor singing a song.

Everything else could go to shit, but the voice had become a soothing constant.

Today it wasn’t there.

Alexander could have shrugged and continued to flick through his phone, but that is not what Alexander did. 

He sighed, slid his feet into some slippers, grabbed his keys, and stepped out into the hallway. The stairs were as unnerving as they ever were, and it wasn’t long before he was standing before the door to the apartment below his.

There was less than a second of hesitation before he brought his hand up to knock on the door - three times, in quick succession. He rocked onto his heels as he waited for a response, each second that passed causing him to regret the decision. 

Just as he was about to turn around and go back up to his own apartment he heard the deadbolt and saw the door open to reveal a handsome man with curly messy hair pulled back into a bun. Alexander ran a hand over the top of his head. “So, uh, hi. I’m Alex, I live in the apartment above you.”

The man blinked. “Is there a problem?”

“Yeah, uh, I always hear you singing every morning but today you weren’t and now my morning is weird.”

The man’s mouth open and shut. 

Alexander scratched his chin. “So, yeah, this is weird. I’ll go. Sorry about this, it’s just I got used to it, you know? I wanted to make sure you were okay, it was a change. Morning routines are a sacred thing, ya feel?”

“Stop.” The man chuckled. “It’s fine, just weird, I guess. I’m John, by the way.”

“Alexander.”

John smiled. “You said.”

“Right.”

“Is there anything else?”

Alexander bit at his lip. “Not really. I’ll go. Thanks, sorry about that.” He gave John one last look. “By the way, you’re pretty hot. I had totally formed this fantasy image to go with the voice, and you’re better, so no complaints.”

“Is that so?” John leaned against the door frame. “Well, in that case, I might make you take me out for coffee to make up for waking me up early on my day off.”

He smirked. “I have no problem with that. And, I’d apologize but also if this results in a coffee date, I’m not sorry.”

John laughed. “I don’t think I am either.”

“So, I gotta know, why weren’t you singing?”

“I’m sick and decided to sleep in and skip going to the gym.”

“Oops.”

John laughed and shook his head. “No oops, it’s all good.”

Alexander smiled. “Good.”


	27. My parents are visiting…right now

Alex set his phone down and turned to John, who was lying on the couch with a bag of cheetos on his chest. “So, uh, babe.”

“Hmmm?”

“My parents are visiting…right now.”

John blinked. “Your parents are dead.”

“I.” Alex swallowed. “Okay, that’s fair. But also.”

John sat up and set the cheetos to the side. “What, are they zombies or something?”

“No. They’re very much alive.”

“Did you lie to me?”

He shook his head. “No! They’re like my adopted parents.”

John raised a brow. “That you just conveniently haven’t mentioned before now?”

“Basically.” Alex shrugged. “Anyway, George just texted me they’re about five minutes away.”

“Right now right now.”

He nodded.

“What the fuck?”

“I forgot.” Alex walked into the kitchen and lit a candle. “George and Martha kinda took me in. It’s weird, but they’re important to me. I guess I don’t think about it that much, but yeah. They want to meet you.”

“I haven’t showed in two days.” 

He looked at John, taking in the greasy hair and stained sweatpants. “Well, you’re going to have to figure it out.”

Alex’s phone lit up. “They just arrived, so you have like maybe five minutes.”

“I hate you.”

Alex pressed a kiss to John’s cheek. “No you don’t. Now, go make yourself presentable so I can show you off to George and Martha.”

“Fine fine, whatever you say. You’re lucky I love you.”

Alex smiled. “And you don’t let me forget it.”

“Never.” John laughed. “I’ll be the most perfect boyfriend they could ever imagine for you in less than ten minutes. It’s like an easy bake oven but a shower, clean clothes, and me.”

“That doesn’t make sense.” 

Two strong knocks sounded on the door. John reached forward and squeezed Alex’s hand. “That’s probably them, I’ll be right out.”

“Thank you.”

“Not a problem, baby girl.”


	28. You’re too good for me; You know, it’s okay to cry

John took in a deep breath, a shaky feeling filling his chest. “Alexander.”

Alex looked up, surprised. “John?”

“I think we should go on a break.”

“What are you talking about?” Alex closed his laptop and stood up, grabbing his hand. “Is everything okay?”

He shook his head. “No.” It came out with as a croaky sound, obvious that he was on the verge of some sort of emotional outburst. “It’s not you, it’s just-”

“Are you really doing the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ thing right now?”

John closed his eyes, tears falling down his face. “No, it’s just, there’s so much going on right now, Alex-” a sob ripped its way out of his chest.

A hand went around his shoulders and brought him in for a hug, and John’s arms went around Alex’s waist and squeezed tight, tucking his face into Alex’s neck. “There’s just so much, school, family, you don’t need to put up with my dad’s shit.” He took in a shaky breath. “You don’t need this, you deserve better than this.”

Alex’s hand went up and down his back in a soothing motion. “No, don’t say that. Life’s shit, but I’m here for you, okay.”

“I’m sorry for crying on you, you don’t need this.”

“Shhhh,” Alex shook his head. “You know, it’s okay to cry. It’s good for you, you need this.”

He sniffed, trying his best to prevent his snot from going down Alex’s neck. “You’re too good for me.”

“No,” Alex squeezed even tighter. “I’m really not.”


	29. Oh my God. You’re in love with her

John was many things, but he wasn’t blind. He could see the change in Alexander, as clear as day. He was brighter, happier; something motivating him to keep on through the drudgery of war other than his endless determination. John sat on his cot, and watched as Alexander started to pen a new letter on his lap desk. “Alex.” 

He hadn’t planned on saying anything, but he supposes that some conversations needed to be had.

Alex looked up. “Yes?”

His eyes went dropped to the floor. “Is that for Eliza?”

“Yeah.” A soft smile spread across Alexander’s face, and John felt his heart break. “It is.” 

“Tell me about her.” The words forced their way out. He needed to know, but the last thing he wanted to hear was how perfect Eliza was. More perfect than he could ever be.

Alex set the lap desk to the side. “She’s beautiful. Well, actually, I suppose she’s rather plain. But she’s beautiful just the same. Her eyes are dark, and reflect the flames of fires and candles that warms my soul. Her laughter is indescribable. Every time I make her laugh I feel like I’ve conquered the world.”

“Oh my god.” John’s hands curled into fists. “You’re in love with her.”

“Yeah, I think I am.” Alex’s voice was soft, dreamy, close to the tone that had filled his ears under the thin blanket they had shared on cold winter nights. “It’s all so new.”

He snorted, a bitter sound. “New. It’s new.”

Alex’s eyes went wide. “Laurens, what are you saying?”

“Alex.” He stood up and started to pace, focusing on keeping his volume down. “You’re enamored, and you know what, it hurts. Oh, I know that what I want is different from what should be and what can be but it makes no difference! One night you’re asking me how to convince me of your love, and the very next day you’re mooning over a Schuyler sister!”

“John, that’s not-”

“No.” He turned to face Alex and took in a deep breath. “I know that anything you say is going to convince me, and you know it too. Right now though, you’re going to let me talk.”

Alex nodded.

“Good.” John resumed pacing. “Now, it would have been fine, you know. Obviously you were going to get married one day, and a daughter of a prominent family? It makes sense, doesn’t it? And while I’m sure that has played some sort of part, there’s more to it.”

“How dare you!”

He raised a hand. “No. Stop.”

“You dare accuse me of courting a girl because her father is wealthy!” Alexander was angry too. 

John smirked. He could work with this, turn the hurt into something else. “No, I’m not. If that’s all it was, it’d be fine, wouldn’t it? We could go on as we are, stealing moments and planning for when we’re next alone. But it’s not. You’re actually in love.”

“Oh, so because I have feelings towards the girl it’s bad? Is that the problem?” Alexander stood up, stepping closer to him. “Now that I’ve finally found someone who returns my favor you’re angry?”

“What do you mean finally returns your favor?” John reached up to grab a fistful of the fabric of Alex’s coat. “I’ve been here this entire time, you fool.”

Alex’s face was red with anger. “Fool? You’re calling me a fool? For just this once, you might be right. Perhaps I was a fool thinking you’d ever love me. All the nights we’ve spent together and the words we’ve shared, and you’ve stayed so distant! And now! Now that I’ve found someone who isn’t hesitant, now you care.”

“I’ve loved you this entire time,” he whispered, pulling Alexander in closer. “I’ve wanted to love you so much more. I’ve had to keep you distant, thought it would hurt less when you had to go find a girl to marry.”

Alexander’s eyes were narrowed and shining. “Then what’s the problem?”

John closed the space between their bodies. “I didn’t think you’d actually go and fall in love.”

“What? You wanted me to be miserable? Unable to turn to you or my own wife?”

“Maybe I did.” He bent his head down. “Maybe I wanted you to suffer as much as I am, locked in a loveless marriage and unable to actually have who I want in my life. Maybe I’m selfish. I thought it was all rather romantic of me.”

“What are you talking about?”

John’s other hand went up to Alexander’s hair and pulled. “It doesn’t matter, does it? Now that you’ve found yourself a pretty little wife?”

Alex’s gasped. “We’re not married.”

“No, but all you have to do is convince her father, isn’t that right? And we both no how convincing you can be.”

“Laurens.”

He inched closer. “Yes, Alexander?”

“Stop talking and kiss me already.”

There was the smallest space separating their lips. “But what about your Eliza?”

“Damn her.” 

Alexander closed the gap, and John felt something that might be victory, shallow though it may be, settle in his chest.


	30. i didn’t want to tell my friend who my real date last night was so i just pointed at a random stranger (you) but now they’re storming over to interrogate you and you’re playing along??? okay

John knew that it was better to wait before telling the guys about Aaron, wanted to feel things out before making it official. He also knew that it would be difficult to keep it secret.

He hadn’t expected to be cornered in the coffee shop. “Just tell us who you were with last night, man. We won’t hurt him, we just gotta know.”

“Why does it matter so much.”

Hercules shrugged. “It’s because I care about you, dude. Gotta make sure it won’t be a repeat of Francis.”

John frowned.

“Sorry.”

“Hmmm.”

Hercules wrapped an arm around his shoulders. “Okay, but seriously. Just tell us.”

“Fine.” John looked around the coffee shop and his eyes landed on a kid he vaguely recognized. He pointed at him. “Him. I went on a date with him.”

Lafayette smiled wide. “Is that why you didn’t want to tell us? Because he’s right here?”

“Sure.”

Hercules squeezed him tight. “Dude, that’s Alexander Hamilton.”

Oh. Shit. John laughed. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

“Let’s go talk to him.” Lafayette stormed forward.

“Laf! What are you doing?”

Lafayette laughed. “I’m going to go ask this boy all about your date, since you won’t tell me. Everyone hears so much about him, I have to know how much is true. Are the rumors true?”

He looked to the side. “It was only the first date, Laf.”

Lafayette winked. “Ah, but this is Hamilton - he’s supposed to be able to charm anyone into his bed.”

“Right.”

His heart filled with dread as they approached Alexander. Hercules sat down in the empty seat across from Alex. “Hey man.”

Alex looked up, confused. “Uh, hi?”

Hercules smiled. “So, I hear you went on a date with my dude John Laurens over here.” Hercules pointed at him, and Alex looked over at him and raised a brow. John grimaced, and tried his best to communicate with his eyes how sorry he was. 

Alex nodded and smiled, grabbing his hand. “Oh yes, it was fantastic.” Alex pressed a kiss to the back of his hand, and John felt heat rise to his cheeks. “I hope you don’t mind if I ask you for that second date while we’re here instead of waiting the obligatory three days.”

“I don’t mind at all.” 

Lafayette pushed into his side. “Oooohhh, how fantastic. You know what, we’ll bother you later.”

Hercules stood up. “Yeah, we’ll leave you two lovebirds alone. Alex, if this sticks, I expect to see you at movie night.”

“Of course.” Alex laughed. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

They watched as Hercules and Lafayette walked away, and as soon as they were out of sight, Alex let go of his hand. John sat in the chair Hercules had just left, settled his face in his hands and groaned.

Alex looked at him for a moment. “So, what was that?”

“Right.” He looked up and rested his chin on his hand. “I’m really sorry about that. Um, I had gone on a date last night but I didn’t tell them who - didn’t want them to get too invested until something actually came of it.”

Alex nodded. “Okay, so how did I become involved?”

“They asked me who, and I just randomly pointed at someone. I didn’t actually think they’d try to talk to you.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” Alex leaned over the table, eyes sparkling. “So, about that date?”

“You’re kidding.”

Alex smirked. “Nope.”

He shook his head. “Oh my god.” John leaned back in his seat and looked across the table. “You know what, maybe.”

“Only maybe?”

John nodded. “Maybe.”


	31. Voyeurism (Also Whamilton)

Something Alexander had learned soon after he started to spend his nights in the General’s bed was that George liked to watch - preferred to sit back and watch Alexander spread himself open until he was begging for George’s cock,

Those were the nights where they had time - generous winter quarters allowing them a bed and a fire, warmth and the dark of the night to hide their sins. 

Winter was a miserable time, despite the small comforts. The General was antsy, struggling to do something when any and every action was impossible. Alexander had long ago learned to notice when eyes followed his movements, examining the fit of his uniform with an intent that extended beyond that of friends or even brothers. 

It was a risk, but one night, when he and John were working late into the night, Alexander leaned into John’s side. George was due to call for him, and Alexander had an idea for the best way to work off the General’s building tension.

He covered John’s hand with his own and left it there, felt John stiffen beside him. Alexander turned to look at John, licked his lips, and said, “my dear Laurens, I’ve been feeling ever so lonely.”

John didn’t move away, but stayed still, unnatural. Alexander set aside the letter he had been working on and rested his other hand on John’s thigh. “Laurens.”

John’s eyes fluttered shut. “Alexander.”

He leaned in closer, “Will you kiss me, my dear Laurens?”

“Please.” 

John’s lips brushed against his, willing but unsure. The feeling of wrongness burned in Alexander’s chest, and he moved to straddle John’s lap. He rested his arms on John’s shoulders. “I’ve wanted this for so long.”

It was a lie, but it made Laurens push further into his touch.

Alexander had expected difficulty in arranging Laurens in the way he had imagined - John lying on the ground with Alexander above. The type of positioning that would put him on display, just the way the General liked.

His hands were tangled in John’s hair, and John’s hands were at his hips - resting, not squeezing to leave bruises that way the General had so many times before. Alexander rolled his hips, and swallowed John’s responding moan. 

He sat up and John’s hands followed his to remove the layers of fabric from his body. The fire behind them was burning bright, and George had always said he loved the glint of firelight on Alexander’s skin. His hair was pulled from its queue, and he John’s hands wandered up his sides.

“You’re beautiful.”

Alexander hid his smirk in John’s neck and pressed kisses to the skin there.

John’s hips shifted against his own, and Alexander dragged his hand down John’s chest until he wrapped his hand around John’s cock. The sound that left John’s mouth at his touch almost made Alexander wish it was genuine. 

Behind him, he heard the muffled sounds of someone walking in, and he could feel a heavy gaze on his back.

John’s eyes were squeezed shut, and his mouth was open, quiet moans filling the air. Alexander chuckled. “You’re very responsive.”

“You’re perfect.” John nodded. “I’ve wanted this for so long, It’s better than anything I could have imagined. You’re perfect. I’ve watched you for so long.”

A familiar hand brushed against his shoulders and settled at the base of his skull and squeezed. “He is perfect, isn’t he? My little Hamilton.”

John’s eyes went wide and he froze. “Sir, this isn’t what it looks like.”

“Oh no, sir, it’s exactly what it looks like.” Alexander laughed and tilted his head back. “I was missing your touch, sir. You left me alone for far too long, I had to go entertain myself.”

George bent down and whispered into his ear, “so you decide to go wrap your hand around some rich boy’s cock, posing like some expensive whore.” George squeezed his neck tighter. “You look too proud to be ashamed, my beautiful boy, trying to get me angry.”

John was frozen beneath him, and Alexander dragged his hand up John’s cock, flicking his thumb over the slit. George let go of his neck. “I’m going to sit and watch, you have until I tell Laurens to leave.”

Alexander tilted his head back. “Do I get a kiss?”

George’s eyes narrowed, but a soft kiss was pressed to his brow, before George sat down in a nearby chair, legs spread.

Alexander looked back down at John and bent to press a kiss to John’s still lips. “What do you want, my dear Laurens? I can give you all sorts of things. The General wants a show, after all. And we both live to serve the General.”

“I don’t know.” 

Alexander looked over at George and raised a brow. George nodded.

He moved down John’s body until he was laying between John’s spread legs and pressed his lips to the tip of John’s cock. “I’ve been told I’m very talented with my mouth.”

John said nothing, but nodded. 

Alexander kept his eyes on George as he swallowed around John’s, moaning as he watched the General palm his own cock through his breeches. 

John didn’t last very long, and Alexander sat back on his heels as John shuffled away, hair a mess and cheeks still flushed. 

The General cleared his throat. “Alexander.”

He turned to look at George, licking his lips as his eyes took in the General’s posture and white knuckles from where George was gripping the handles of the chair. “Yes, George?”

“I have many things to say.”

Alexander crawled forward until he was between George’s spread legs, hands going up George’s thighs. “Yes?”

A hand went down to tangle in his hair and pulled him in for a harsh kiss. George pulled away, chest heaving. “But first, I need you, my beautiful boy.”

“Am I your beautiful boy, George? I wanted to look just how you like me, I did it for you.” 

George groaned. “Oh, I know you did, my perfect, beautiful boy.”

“How do you want me, sir?”

“Closer.”


	32. Collaring

Alexander knew that John didn’t think about it when he went to tie the dark blue ribbon around his neck. It had been a gift from John’s father - a small reminder of the luxury that John was accustomed to.

John had seen the curious look in his eyes. “You can have it, if you’d like.” 

“No.” Alexander had shaken his head. “It’s yours, keep it.”

John had laughed and tied it in a bow over his collar. “No, consider it a gift.” John’s fingers had lingered at his throat, his eyes darkening. “I want you to have it.”

Alexander recognized the sudden heat, and went to untie it. John’s hands wrapped around his wrists. “No, keep it on. I like it.”

“Laurens, I can’t go around with a ribbon over my collar.”

John smiled. “Then hide it under, it’ll be our secret.” John’s hand went to the back of his neck and pulled Alexander forward to kiss him. “I want you to think about it all day, imagine it’s my hands.”

His cheeks were flushed hot. “Laurens, that’s-”

“Shh.” A finger covered his lips. “Unless you really don’t know want to, please do this for me.”

Alexander swallowed. “Of course.”

John’s hand squeezed the back of his neck once, let go, and John stepped away. “I’ll see you, I have to go meet with Lafayette.”

“I’ll see you.”

John left and Alexander was left alone, hand creeping up to slide against the edge of the ribbon. It was just tight enough to not be able to forget it. He tucked it under his collar and checked in the polished piece of metal that served as a mirror. It was hidden.

The ribbon itched at the back of his mind all day, always present. John’s eyes caught his while they were working, and Alexander felt the flush return to his cheeks.

He couldn’t quite explain what it was, but there was something about the constant presence of John Laurens on his body that made his mind travel down all sorts of new paths.

For perhaps the first time, Alexander did not work late into the night after the other men left.

John was waiting for him. “Hamilton.”

“Laurens.”

John’s hands reached for his and pulled him forward. “I was thinking about you all day. I want to see that ribbon against the skin of your throat, I want to taste you and touch you and see the blue against your skin.”

Hands fell to his hips and John’s lips moved next to his ear. “I want to see you stripped for me, Hamilton, but I want you to keep the ribbon on.”

“I want to feel you, my Laurens. Yes.” He nodded. It was a simple thing, a thin strip of fabric, and yet as Alexander shed his layers and exposed himself to John’s eye, he became more aware of the ribbon. “I’ve been aware of it all day, never able to fully focus on my work. It was aggravating. What do you do to me, Laurens, that you can make me feel like this?”

John bit at his collarbone. “I haven’t been much better.”


	33. I don’t love you. I never have.

Alex didn’t want to do it, he really didn’t. 

But he had to. 

John had always wanted to go away and make a change in the word, help people in a more personal way than just throwing money at a charity and hoping they did the right thing with it. 

He was the one thing holding John back.

Alex pressed one last kiss to John’s lips, let go of John’s hand, and stood up from the couch. “John, I’ve met someone else.”

John’s eyes went wide, and his mouth dropped open. “What? What the fuck do you mean? Alex? Alex, what are you saying?”

“I mean exactly what I said.” He turned to stare out the window. “I met someone else, better than you. Someone I love.”

John stood up and grabbed his wrist. “Someone you love? Do you not love me?”

“I don’t love you. I never have.” Alex closed his eyes.

The grip around his wrist tightened. “No. I don’t believe you.”

Tears burned at the corners of his eyes. “Believe it. I’m going. Good bye.”

“No, I won’t let you.” John’s voice was loud, harsh, pained.

Alex pulled his hand from John’s grip, flexing his fingers. “Good luck, John.”


	34. I hate seeing you two be all coupley in public when I'M the one you're fucking.

Alex knew that John wasn’t going to be happy with him - never was. 

He checked his phone one last time before he knocked on John’s door. Less than five seconds passed before the door was yanked open, and John’s narrowed eyes met his. “Hello.”

“Hi. Can I come in?”

John stepped to the side, Alex was pushed against the door as soon as it was closed. “I’m very angry with you.”

“I know.” Alex looped his fingers through the loops of John’s jeans and brought him in closer. “I’m sorry.”

“You know I don’t like seeing her.”

He sighed. “I can’t help that, and you know that.”

John barked a short laugh. “That’s not true at all - you could stop dating her.”

“Not gonna happen.” Alex shook his head. “We’ve talked about this.”

“And we’ve yet to reach a conclusion.”

“You say that because I won’t agree to break-up with her.”

John’s hand crept into his hair, pulling it out of his ponytail. “Of course, of course. You can’t break up with Eliza Schuyler, now, can you? There’s too much banking on your love story, all her daddy’s money and power is useless to you if you break her heart.”

“John,” Alex bit out. “Shut up.” Teeth bit down on the side of his neck, hard. Alex gasped. “Don’t leave marks.”

“Oops, too late.” John pressed a kiss to his jaw. “You know, I hate seeing you two be all coupley in public when I’m the one your fucking.”

“That wasn’t my fault.”

“Yes it is.” Another kiss to his jaw.

Alex shook his head. “Nope. How could I possibly know that you’d be sitting in her favorite coffee shop at nine in the morning on a Saturday. Last time you were up that early on a weekend was when you were still forced to go to church with your family.”

The hand in his hair pulled, hard. John smiled. “But if you weren’t with her, I wouldn’t have seen her, and we wouldn’t be having this talk, now would we?”

Alex closed his eyes. “Fine.”

“Good.”

He took in a breath, and after a moment of quiet, opened his eyes and smirked. “So, now that that’s settled, are you going to fuck me or not?”


	35. ...Who is he/she?

There were times that Alex believed that fate had it out for him. 

He was standing in line, waiting to order his and Eliza’s coffees, when she had left to go to the bathroom. When he felt a hand wrap around his wrist and soft lips press a kiss to his cheek, he had expected it to be her.

Instead, he found the warm hazel eyes of John Laurens. John’s smile was wide. “Hey! I didn’t expect to run into you today!”

Alex forced a small smile onto his face. “Neither did I!” He pulled his wrist from John’s hand, shuffling forward as if he had done so to move up in line. “What are you up to today?”

“Oh, nothing much - I was planning on getting some work in, but now that you’re here.” John smirked and leaned in. “My mind is filled with all sorts of ideas, all of which seem to be much more appealing than work.”

He bit his lip, knowing that whatever John was picturing was sure to be fantastic for him. “Unfortunately, I’m a bit swamped today.”

John pressed a kiss to his neck. “That’s upsetting. Is there a chance of seeing you later tonight?”

“No,” Alex said, thinking of the Schuyler Sunday dinner he was now expected to attend. “You know I’d love to.”

“Well, at least I ran into you.”

Before he could respond, the person in front of him finished ordering. The barista shot him an unimpressed look, but asked, “what can I get for you today?”

“Can I have a large black coffee with two shots of espresso, a medium chai, and a large iced mocha with a shot of caramel?”

“Name?”

“Alex.”

“That’ll be $12.45, insert for chip.”

Alex paid for the coffees and stepped to the side, John pressing the side of his face to his shoulder. “Thanks, babe.”

“No problem. We can’t do anything today, the least I can do is buy you coffee.” The tension in his chest was growing tighter with each second that passed. John insisting on being as affectionate as he ever was, and it was a matter of waiting until Eliza came back and his world came crashing down. He could feel the weight of everyone’s eyes, all of them waiting for the inevitable domestic disaster. He sighed, and reached for John’s hand, gripping tight for what could be the last time.

The people waiting beside him stopped talking, and Alex knew that Eliza was headed their way. 

He took in a deep breath. 

Eliza walked toward him, smiling, not seeing John. “Hey, did you order?”

“Yeah, I got you a chai.”

John’s head lifted of his shoulder. Alex shut his eyes. Eliza’s hand went around his bicep and squeezed, nails digging in through the thin fabric of his shirt. “Alexander, who is he?”

“This is John.”

“Right.” Eliza’s voice was cold, and he opened his eyes to find her face closed off. “And why is John hanging off of you like that?” Her nails dug in further.

Before Alex could say anything, John spoke up, “What are you talking about? Who are you?”

Eliza stepped closer. “I’m his girlfriend.”

Alex’s hand was empty, John stepped away. “What the fuck are you talking about, woman? You certainly weren’t his girlfriend Friday night when he was begging to suck my dick.”

“What?!” Eliza let go of his arm, and turned to face him. “Alex! What is he talking about?”

He sighed. “He’s talking about Friday night when I was begging to suck his dick. It’s a nice dick, I don’t regret it.”

Someone laughed.

Eliza’s eyes narrowed. “Alexander, are you telling me that you’ve been cheating on me?!”

“I wasn’t planning on it.’

The barista’s voice was amused when she called out, “order for Alex.”

“That’ll be ours.”

“Oh my god.” John’s voice was louder than it needed to be. “This is actually happening. Oh my god, I was the other woman.”

He handed them each their drinks and walked toward a table. “Actually, I was fucking you before I started dating Eliza. But, since you insisted on not labeling it, I don’t think it really counts as cheating. But, since I kept fucking you after I started dating Eliza, I guess you are the other woman. I can honestly say I never thought about it like that.”

Alex heard the slap before he felt the hot sting on his cheek.


	36. I’m not wearing that.

John should have known that coming home was a bad idea, shouldn’t have been so blind and hopeful to think that Henry Laurens had changed enough to allow him any ounce of happiness.

Henry was with him, knowing better than to trust any one else to handle John. “Jackie, you need to get dressed. There’s still an hour, but we need to figure out something with that hair of yours. I really would rather you keep it short.”

“No,” John said, shaking his head. His arms were crossed over his chest, and he had no plans on moving from his seat on the foot of the bed. “I’m not wearing that, and my hair is perfectly fine as is. Alex likes it long.”

Henry closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. “Fine, keep your hair as it is.” Henry turned around and lifted the hanger from where it was hanging on the door. “But you are getting dressed. No son of mine is showing up to his wedding day looking anything less than his best.”

John swallowed. His hands were squeezed into fists, tucked into his arms. “I’d rather be no son of yours than go through with this farce.”

“It’s not a farce!” Henry’s face was red. “It’s a marriage. I told you what would happen if you didn’t listen to me, and now it’s happening. You have no one to blame but yourself, Jackie.”

He shook his head. “Even if I go along with this, even if I get dressed and appear the perfect son, it’s not happening. There is nothing you can do to get me to say the words.”

“Boy,” Henry said, stepping closer. “You are going to marry Miss Manning. That girl has the entire world thinking you’re in love with her, and it simply wouldn’t do to break Miss Manning’s heart, now, would it?”

“Do you think I care?” John’s asked, eyes narrowing. “It’s a lie, it’s all a lie!” He stood up, walking forward, moving his hands to run them through his hair. He turned to Henry and said, “I will change my name and run away to Africa if it means you get the fuck out of my life!”

“Watch the way you speak to me, boy!” Henry got in his face. “You will do no such thing. You are going to go into that bathroom over there, wash your face off with cold water, and get dressed. And then, we’re going to go over to the church and welcome the newest member of the family.”

John breathed in deep. “Why?” he asked. “Even back when I was still your perfect son, back when you thought I was studying polisci, thought I was gonna go to law school and follow in your footsteps, there was one thing you always told me. One thing I let myself cling onto.”

Henry shook his head and said, “I know. I told you how much I loved your mother, I showed you the pain it caused me when she died.” 

“And what else did you say? What else did you tell me?”

“I told you that none of the hardships life brought you mattered when you had someone you loved at your said.”

John nodded and took in another deep breath. He looked Henry in the eye and asked, “then why are you taking that away from me? Why now? What changed?”

“You’re lying to yourself, first of all. That boy of yours is nothing more than rebellion, Jackie. He doesn’t belong here,” Henry whispered, waving a hand around. “This isn’t his world. He’s not you.”

John could feel the angry tears burning at the corners of his eyes, and he knew his face was red. “And this girl I’ve never met before in my life is?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” John asked.

Henry looked to the side and ran a hand over his slicked back hair. “Because she’s pregnant, Jackie, and everyone thinks it’s yours.”  

“No,” John said, backing away. “She lying! You know she’s lying!”

Henry sighed. “I know.”

“Then why are you making me do this?!” John’s voice was loud, filling the room, harsh with emotion. “What have I done to deserve this?”

“It has to be done, Jackie.” Henry looked at him, face blank, eyes sharp. “It could ruin us, you know. She’s told me she’s more than willing to make a scandal of it, she told me she could just as easily tell the news it was mine.”

John’s phone vibrated in his pocket. He ignored it and said, “oh my god. You’re sacrificing your son’s happiness for your  _reputation_.”

Henry turned around, back to John, hands clasped behind his back. “It needs to be done.” Henry took a step forward. “I expect to see you downstairs in twenty minutes.”

The door closed behind Henry, and for the first time in a long time, John felt helpless. His phone vibrated in his pocket again. He pulled it out and saw a string of missed texts from Alex.

**_From: Alex <3  
To: John Laurens_ **

**_hey babe is everything going alright?_ **

**_From: Alex <3  
To: John Laurens_ **

**_your room is the front right corner on the second floor right_ **

**_From: Alex <3   
To: John Laurens_ **

**_open ur fuckign window_ **

John shoved his phone back in his pocket and went to his window, disbelief building in his chest as he unlocked it. He pushed it open, and couldn’t have stopped the laughter if he had tried.

Alex was standing there, smiling wide, a rope hanging over his shoulders. 

John leaned forward and shouted down, “what are you doing here? You can’t be here.”

“I”m rescuing you, of course.” Alex looked to the driveway. “I have the badass motorcycle and everything.”

“Oh my god,” John closed his eyes and shook his head. “You’re serious.”

“As a heart attack.” Alex unfurled the rope and started to swing it. “Now, come on, we’ll have to hurry. I see people downstairs.


	37. quiet. they can hear us.

It was funny how they always ended up in this situations. They were there for a wedding - John’s sister was getting married and had told Henry that if John wasn’t allowed to bring Alex, she was going to go a courthouse and elope. 

There was the usual drama and flurry of activity associated with a wedding, and Alex had taken one look at the chaos in the kitchen before tightening his hand around John’s wrist and finding the nearest empty room.

It was a closet between the pantry and the door to the garage, empty except for a couple of pairs of rainboots shoved into the corner. Alex didn’t bother to pull the string for the light before turning around to push John’s back against the door and dropping to his knees.

John’s hand settled on the top of his head, and Alex looped his fingers through the loops of John’s jeans. “Alex,” John whispered, “what do you think you’re doing?”

It was too dark to see John’s face, but Alex pressed his cheek to John’s thigh. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

John’s hand curled in his hair. “Considering I can’t see you right now, it’s a little hard to say. But I do know that my family is less than ten feet away from us right now and could literally walk in at any time.”

He undid John’s button, “guess you’ll just have to be quiet then.”

John was never quiet, and it wasn’t long before the small space of the closet was filled with John’s gasps and muffled moans. 

On the other side of the door, Alex could hear high-pitched laughter. He pulled off of John’s cock and licked a stripe along the underside. He smirked and said, “quiet, they can hear us.” He took the head of John’s cock into his mouth again and tongued along the slit. 

“Alex,” John breathed out, “I can’t, ah-”


	38. You’re in trouble now (Also Whamilton)

John, like every other man working in close quarters to General Washington, had learned to read the Commander’s moods as well as he could his letters. The General was stressed, tension in his eyes and shoulders giving it away like a shining beacon. It was deep-set, rising up in a way it almost never did, the General’s fingers tapping out a pattern on the wooden desk. His eyes kept glancing to Hamilton, bent of his own desk with quill in hand. 

John smirked to himself and elbowed Hamilton in the side. “The General’s in a right mood.”

Hamilton huffed. “He usually is.”

“He’s looking toward you, Hammie. You know as well as I do how that usually ends up.” John chuckled, thinking of all the times he laid his lips over the fresh bruises blossoming on Hamilton’s hips after the General had been in a mood, the times he had run his hand in soothing motions over bite marks. “You’d best go to him now, before he gets to irritated.”

Hamilton shook his head and said, “Lafayette will take care of it, I’m sure.”

“I don’t think so.” John clucked his tongue. “Not with how focused he is.”

Hamilton looked up from what he was writing and up toward him and said, “Laurens, I don’t have the time to take hours out of my day to entertain the General.”

John heard the sudden silence, the General no longer tapping the pattern. His eyes went wide and he looked at Hamilton, “oh, you’re in trouble now.”

The General’s footsteps grew nearer, and a heavy hand settled on John’s shoulder. “Laurens, Hamilton, what makes you think I have time to be entertained?” 

John turned back to the paper in front of him. “Nothing at all, sir. I apologize for causing a disturbance.”

“Oh, there is no disturbance.” The General’s hand squeezed tight and let go. “But, Hamilton, I’m afraid I need to borrow a moment of your time. I’m sorry to take up such a precious commodity, but in war scarcity is a common struggle.”

John saw Hamilton’s back stiffen from the corner of his eye, but he also saw Hamilton’s eyes darken. He smirked to himself. 

“Laurens,” the General called out.

“Yes, sir?”

“I believe Hamilton might be indisposed for the rest of the day, do please take over his work.”


	39. There’s only one bed…

It was Lafayette who had booked the hotel room, so Alex really should have expected that something like this was going to happen. 

He was tired, they had had a long day full of delays, layovers, and missed flights. There was nothing Alex wanted more in that moment than to smash his face against a pillow and fall sleep for several hours. Tomorrow was going to be a slow day with nothing planned until the evening. 

John was in front of him, muttering to himself as he tried to get the door to unlock. “It’s not working, what the fuck, the key’s right, just, just, go green.”

Alex knocked against John’s arm and said, “you gotta hold it in longer.”

“Ugh.” John groaned when the light finally blinked green and said, “I hate it when you’re right.”

Alex snorted a laugh. “How are we still friends?”

John looked at him for a second, a weird look in his eyes, and shook his head. “Beats me. You’re an asshole.”

“We’re assholes together,” Alex said, shoving past John and walking into the room, flipping the lights on. He set his bags down and turned into the bathroom.

When he came out, John was standing in the hallway, hand rubbing the back of his neck.

Alex poked his shoulder and asked, “What’s wrong, I want to go to sleep, you’re in my way.”

“Ha,” John said, “so, uh, there’s only one bed.”

Alex stepped forward. John was right. “Looks like we’re gonna have to bunk together.” He smirked to himself. “Warning, I’ve been told I get clingy.”

John coughed. “What?”

He rested his head on John’s shoulder and said, “I’m a cuddler.” On the inside, Alex could hear the warning bells going off in his head. This was going to be an issue. It was hard enough being so close to John without trying to start something, but sleeping next to him? He was going to die. Alex took in a breath and walked forward and hopped to plant himself on the right side of the bed. “This is my side.”

“Right,” John said. “Well, I’m gonna change, and then I’m sorry but your insomniac ways are gonna have to take a break for the night, I’m exhausted.”

John disappeared into the bathroom, and Alex took the chance to kick off his shoes and jeans, and peel off his shirt. He put his phone on the charger, took his hair down from its ponytail, and planted his face back into the pillow. 

He heard John’s footsteps on the carpet, and Alex must have imagined the whispered, “fuck.” John flipped off the lights and joined him on the bed. “Night, Alex.”

“Night.” 

Alex had a plan, and he ignored the voice in the back of his mind telling him it wasn’t worth possibly risking his friendship with John. He turned his head toward John, not being able to see him in the dark, but listening to the sound of John’s quiet, even breaths. 

There was one last moment of hesitation before he scooted over and placed his head on John’s shoulder, throwing an arm over John’s stomach. Alex sighed to himself. This was perfect. 

It was still dark when he woke up, no sun filtering through the thick hotel curtains. Alex blinked his eyes, confused for a moment. He had shifted during his sleep, no longer next to John, but halfway on top of him. 

John moved under him, and he heard a low moan. Oh. 

There was an unmistakable hardness pressing against his thigh as John pushed his hips upward, seeking friction. Alex bit his lip, trying to think. His hand was tight around a fistful of fabric of John’s shirt, and his own cock was hardening in his boxers, John’s movements giving a delightful friction.

John’s arm wrapped around his waist, pulling him in closer. Alex gasped, and he started to grind against John’s hip. The hand on his back was hot against his skin, and Alex’s eyes squeezed shut as he lost himself in sensation. It shouldn’t be this much, and yet it was. He was surrounded by John. John’s scent, John beneath him, John’s hand on his back.

He grabbed the shirt tighter and pulled on it, wanting it to be gone. A quiet moan left his throat.

“Alex,” he heard John say. “Ah, ah, Alex.” John moaned again, louder. He must be getting close. Alex swallowed. So was he. He took in a deep breath. 

John’s hand pressed harder against his back, and Alex let out another moan. He was so close. “Alex,” John moaned, and his hips stilled. 

Alex forced himself to still, taking in deep breaths. This was not a situation he had ever imagined would actually happen. John’s hand not pressed to his back went to his side, fingers leaving a light trail as it went closer to the waist band of his boxers. John wasn’t asleep.

“John.”

A chuckle. “Alex.”

“I’m,” Alex said. “I don’t, I’m just, I was sleeping and then-”

“Shhhh.” John’s hand dipped into his boxer. “Feel, we’ll talk in the morning.”

“Ah, oh, okay,” Alex turned his head to bite John’s shoulder as John’s hand wrapped around his cock.

“Alex, Alex, Alex, be good for me, yeah?”

He nodded and said, “whatever you want.”


	40. Someone's Greatest Fear

There were no words John could think of to describe just how heart-wrenching it was to realize your greatest fear after it happened. 

The General was a strong man, proud. He wasn’t the type to let his worries be known; couldn’t let his worries be known for morale. John knew as soon as he saw the set to Washington’s brow that something terrible had happened.

John stepped forward, feeling the weight of the other aides’ eyes on him. “Sir,” he started, “has something happened?” It wasn’t his place to ask, not really, but someone needed to. Hamilton or Lafayette were the ones they usually shoved forward, but neither of them were there.

The General looked up at him, gaze heavier than John had ever seen. Washington sighed and said, “I have just received an update.”

“And?”

Washington tapped his fingers against a piece of paper. “Hamilton has been reported dead.”

The world froze, John felt the air rush out of his chest, and the sound of waterfalls echoed in his ears. He shook his head and clenched his fists tight at his sides. “Sir, are you sure?”

The General shook his head. “As sure as I can be.”

Tench cleared his throat from the side of the room. “Pardon my interruption, sir, but we can never be absolutely sure of anything.”

John nodded. “Tilgh’s right, sir.”

“Of course, but we cannot cling onto hopes that might prove to be false,” the General said.

John blinked, eyes burning hot. “They might prove to be true.” Alexander couldn’t be gone, he couldn’t. Alexander was the sole good thing in this blasted war, and he wasn’t going to just accept this. “I refuse to believe otherwise until we receive further notice.”

He swallowed against the lump in his throat, and the General was silent for a moment - looking at him, considering. Washington let out a breath. “I know that this is difficult, it always is - especially with a man like Hamilton. However, we must keep moving forward.”

John nodded. “Of course, sir.” 

“Laurens, you’re dismissed.”

“Thank you, sir.” He spun on his heel and marched out of the tent, the air fresh and light compared to how stifling the tent had become. John’s first through was to go to his cot, rest, think and hope. 

But Alexander’s stuff would be right there, and John wasn’t sure he could deal with that right now. He sniffled, and he blinked again - trying everything he could to keep himself from sobbing. 

He took in a shaky breath. He couldn’t do this.


	41. I couldn’t take my eyes off you from across the ball room

Eliza’s smile was still burning bright in his eyes when Alexander felt a hand grip tight around his arm and pull him into a corner. He was backed up against the wall, and when his eyes focused to the low light, Alexander saw John staring down at him, firelight reflecting in his eyes.

He swallowed. “Hello.”

John smirked and bent his head down, hot breath ghosting over Alexander’s lips. His hand moved down to grab at Alexander’s hand. “You made the poor girl fall in love with you.”

Alexander closed his eyes for a moment to gather himself. He opened them again and breathed out, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, I think you do.” John chuckled, eyes crinkling. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you from across the ball room, I can’t imagine how Miss. Schuyler was handling herself.”

“I think she was handling herself just fine.” Alexander remembered Eliza’s hand in his, it was a perfect fit. She was charming. 

John stepped closer, putting his knee between Alexander’s legs, and said, “hmmm, suppose you’re right.”

Alexander licked his lower lip, John’s eyes tracking the motion. John wasn’t typically so bold. He could hear the music from the other room. Alexander pressed his hips forward against John’s. “Suppose I am.”

“Suppose you’re right and Miss. Schuyler was handling herself just fine. Say that’s true, and that leaves the question.”

“What question?”

John’s hand traced a finger over his cheekbone. “What about me?”

“What about you, John?”

John turned his head and pressed his lips to Alexander’s cheek. He pulled away, smirking, and said, “you’re just going to have to wait and see. Now, I do believe Miss. Schuyler is waiting for you.”


	42. I want to take care of you.

John looked down at his phone and saw a text message from Alex.

From: Alex <3  
Sorry babe gotta cancel the date - sick

His thumb hovered over the keyboard as he tried to think of something to say. Last time Alex had gotten sick, he had almost needed to be rushed to the hospital for his fever. Aaron had panicked and called Eliza, and she had nursed him back to his usual health. 

To: Alex <3  
Not cancel, just change. Be there soon.

John looked over to the pile of old DVDs he had under the tv. That’d have to do. He didn’t know if Alex was stuck with his head in a toilet or suffering from the pressure of head cold. Either way, he’d need water and rest. 

He shoved the DVDs into a bag, and tossed some various medicines in for good measure. Alex might have liked to use his semester of pre-med as an excuse to avoid the doctor, but John had always seen right through him. Being sick made him anxious, and doctors and hospitals made it worse. 

Thirty minutes later he was knocking on the door to Alex’s apartment. 

It wasn’t Alex who answered, but Aaron, whose eyes widened the slightest bit in recognition. Aaron opened the door wide enough to let John through and said, “you know, I wasn’t expecting you, but it’s probably good you’re here.”

He nodded and scuttled past Aaron into the living room. “What’s wrong? I’m assuming he’s not dying since you’re not panicking.” John looked around. Alex wasn’t in the living room.

Aaron shrugged and said, “He’s in his room. He crashed early last night and slept for around sixteen hours. I’m not entirely sure he’s sick. I wouldn’t be surprised if his body just gave up.”

John snorted, thinking back on the all-nighters he’d seen Alex pull. He scratched at his ear and looked toward Alex’s closed door. “Well, I’ll see you.”

“See you.” Aaron turned back to whatever he was doing on his computer, and John went into Alex’s room.

It was a mess, and there was a pile of blankets on the bed John assumed was Alex. He sat down at the foot of the bed and pushed down on the fluff. There was a body under there. Alex’s head popped up. “John!”

He felt a smile stretch across his face, even as concern filled him. Alex’s hair was pulled back into a messy bun and the dark circles beneath his eyes were darker than ever. John stood up and grabbed the bottle of water sitting on the side table and put it into Alex’s hand. “Drink.”

Alex groaned but took a sip. “It’s fine.”

John pressed his hand to Alex’s forehead. Warm, but not alarming, it’d be better to check it with a thermometer, but for now it was fine. John relaxed slightly and let his bag fall to the floor. He pulled his hand away and asked, “how are you feeling?”

“Better now that you’re here.”

He shook his head. “Lame.” He pulled out the DVDs from his bag and said, “so, the movies I have chosen to further along your healing process are Jurassic Park, Beauty and the Beast, and Princess Bride. Also, what medicine have you taken?”

“We’re watching Princess Bride. But, really, this is unnecessary. You really don’t have to take care of me.”

John raised a hand. “Nope, I want to take care of you. Sorry, you don’t get to opt out. Have you taken advil?”

Alex shook his head. “No.”

“Have you eaten?” John asked as he shoved his hand around in his bag for the small bottle. He looked up again when he had it. “So, food?”

Alex shook his head again.

“I’ll be right back.”

John went into the kitchen and grabbed bread to make toast. He called out into the living room, “hey, Burr, I’m making toast for Alex. Do you want anything?”

Aaron looked up and said, “no, but thanks.”

“No problem - it’s your kitchen after all.”

After the toaster popped, he put the bread onto the plate and walked back to Alex’s room. He handed it to Alex and said, “eat.”

Alex took a bite of the toast, and while still chewing, said, “I love you, you know.”

John smiled and poured a couple pills into his hand from the bottle of ibuprofen. “I love you too.”


	43. I'll keep you warm

Alexander pulled the thin blanket over his shoulders, holding it tight to him. He brought his knees to his chest and made himself as small as he could. He had thought he’d get use to the cold, but as the wind howled outside the window, he knew it was useless. 

He shifted again on the thin mattress and John’s voice called out from the other side of the room, “get over here, it’ll be warmer anyhow.”

Alexander huffed, but walked across the small space, still holding the blanket to him. He fell into John’s open arms, and sighed and John shifted and moved the blankets around him. An arm wrapped around his waist and pulled him close. “I’ll keep you warm,” John said, and lips pressed to his temple.

He pressed closer and tucked his face into the crook of John’s shoulder. It was still cold, but John’s warm body pressed against his meant that it was much more bearable. 

There was no space separating them, and Alexander smiled and said, “I love you, you know.”

“And I you,” John replied, hands moving up and down his back in a soothing motion.


	44. I'm in love with you

Alexander was the only one still working this late, the General was awake, but the other aides had long ago gone to bed. He could hear Washington’s pacing, but other than that, the sole sound was the scratching of his quill.

A hand settled on his shoulder and Alexander jumped in his seat, drawing a line across the page. He looked up to find John Laurens staring down at him, a grin on his handsome face.

“There you are,” John said. “I figured I’d find you here.”

The candlelight played off John’s eyes in a way that was almost enchanting. Alexander smiled back. “Where else would I be?”

He looked back down at the letter, and sighed when he noticed the line. John put a hand on his shoulder and said, “leave it ‘till morning. We both know you work harder than anyone else.”

“Very well,” Alexander said, feeling the exhaustion wash over him. “Why are you still awake?”

John pulled the chair Alexander was sitting in back, the legs scraping across the floor. “I was waiting up for you.”

“And why would you do that?” Alexander asked.

The hand on his shoulder pressed down, a firm pressure. “Because,” John said. “For some reason, I’ve found that I’m in love with you.”

Warmth spread through Alexander’s chest. “I’ve also found myself to be in love with you.”

It was these quiet moments that made Alexander realize he was the happiest he had ever been in his life. John’s hand shifted, hand going to his collar, thumb grazing the side of his neck. 

“You know,” John whispered. “No one else is awake except Washington. We’re practically alone. With an entire room to ourselves.”

“And what are we going to do with an entire room to ourselves?” Alexander asked.

John chuckled, and started to play with Alexander’s cravat. “Oh,” John said. “I can think of a few things.”


	45. That's all I am to you? Your side whore?

The image of the ring flashed bright in Alex’s mind. John laughed at something he said, laughter filling the room like bells on a summer wind. He pressed closer to John, tapping a nonsensical rhythm on John’s bare chest. “This is good,” Alex said. “Very good.”

John nodded, smiling bright. 

“We should do this more often,” Alex said. It was rare they had time like this - too often their busy schedules meant that it was 2am booty calls and quick lunch-break fucks. John had gotten them a hotel room for the weekend. It was just them, the white sheets, and room service. 

John laughed again, less bright, and an odd look overcame his face. “Yeah…”

“I have a question,” Alex said.

“Shoot.”

Alex took in a deep breath. “We’ve been together for a while now,” he said. “I know that with your father and everything it’s hard, but, I think it’s worth a shot.”

John looked at him with wide eyes and a worried look. “What’s worth a shot?” he asked.

“Marry me.”

John blanched. “What?!”

Alex ignored the sudden sinking feeling in his chest at the look on John’s face and continued, moving to sit up, “let’s get married. It doesn’t have to be anything huge or public, but oh, wouldn’t it be nice to not have to be so secretive? Be able to go to dinner wearing our rings and have people know without having to explain?”

“Alex.” John shook his head. “We can’t.”

“I know your dad won’t like it.” Alex leaned forward, smiling. “But we don’t have to tell him. It’s not like he has spies in the city.”

“No,” John said, moving off the bed to stand. “I can’t marry you.”

Alex scooted closer to the edge of the bed. “Why not?” He swallowed and said, voice sharper, “you’re not saying you don’t want to!”

John started to pace, mumbling to himself. 

Alex moved off the bed and wrapped a hand around John’s wrist. “Talk to me!”

John turned to face him and ran a hand down his face. “I’m already married.”

“No,” Alex said, letting go of John’s hand and stepping away. “What do you mean you’re already married?!” he yelled.

“I got married right out of high school,” John said, not looking at him. 

Something in him shattered. “You’ve been married this entire time?!”

John nodded.

“We were never meant to be, were we?”

John shook his head.

“I’ve only ever been a side-whore to you?!” Alex screamed, tears burning at the corners of his eyes. “That’s all I’ve been?! All these years spent stringing me along without a single mention?!”

“Alex-”

“How could you?!” He bent down and pulled on the pants that had been discarded on the floor. He grabbed the jacket and zipped it up, not bothering with a shirt. Alex walked over to John and poked him in the chest. Alex inhaled a shaky breath and said, “I would have been fine with it, you know, if you had told me.”

John reached a hand out and started to say something, but Alex turned around before he could.

He grabbed his bad - untouched for the most part - off the table and left the room. The slam of the hotel room door echoed behind him. His hand closed around the box in his pocket and a sob ripped its way out of his chest, but he kept walking.


	46. You’re gonna make it, just stay awake.

John clutched Alexander’s hand tighter, holding it to his mouth, lips pressed to Alexander’s knuckles. His other hand brushed a piece of Alexander’s hair behind his ear. He was bent over Alexander, staying close in an attempt to disguise the intimate gesture. He shouldn’t be there, but there was no way he was going to be anywhere else.

Alexander was weak, there was no getting around it. John could see the pain in Alexander’s eyes, squinting against the sun. 

“We just need to get back to camp,” John said, forcing himself to believe it. “You’re gonna make it, just stay awake.” 

Alexander whimpered, and John squeezed his hand even harder. 

“Shhh,” John said. “We’re almost there. We’ll have this taken care of in no time.” They had to. They couldn’t lose Alexander. The army couldn’t afford to lose him; John couldn’t afford to lose him. 

“My Laurens-”

John shook his head. “Save your strength, you can tell me everything later, when you’re recovering.”

Alexander winced. “I might not-”

“No,” John interrupted him. Alexander couldn’t say such things, John refused to hear that. “Don’t say that, you’re going to be fine.”

“Laurens-”

“You have to be fine,” he bit out, voice breaking.


	47. Taurus: foodplay, receiving oral, lots of foreplay

“Alex,” John breathed out. “What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Alexander asked, smirking up at him, hands going up his thighs.

John hissed when Alexander leaned forward to nuzzle against his hardening cock. “What if someone comes in?” he asked. “Laf could come in at any time. What if we’re called for? It’s during the day! You can’t just-”

He was cut off by Alexander’s hand wrapping around him, having been undoing the fastenings of John’s breeches. 

“Alex,” he whispered. “Please.”

“Please what?” Alexander asked. “Stop?” He licked across the slit of John’s now revealed cock. “Or keep going?”

John’s hand went to rest on the back of Alexander’s head. “We shouldn’t be doing this.”

Alexander’s hand wrapped around his shaft, starting to stroke, twisting in just the right way. John bit his lip when Alexander’s lips wrapped around him, tongue swirling in agonizing patterns.

John choked back the moan when Alexander bobbed his head, removing his hand and swallowing around John’s cock until John could feel Alexander’s throat fluttering.

He inhaled a deep breath through his nose, meeting Alexander’s eyes. “Please.”

It wasn’t fair, how good Alexander was at this. Swallowing around him and bobbing his head and swirling his tongue in ways that had John’s hand curling in Alexander’s hair and biting his lip bloody in the attempt to keep quiet.

Alexander pulled off of him with a smirk, lips swollen and spit-slick. 

John let out a whine. “I’m so close, please, please…”

Alexander just looked at him, hand continuing to stroke. 

“Alex…”

John’s orgasm ripped through him and he let out a grunt, white streams landing on Alexander’s face.

Alexander licked his lips. “Feel better?” he asked.

“You…look….”

“You like it, don’t you?” Alexander asked, eyes mischievous. 

John nodded dumbly.


	48. As per the rules of the tourney, I am granted one wish: I wish to marry your son

Fighting had always been something John had excelled at, and there had been no goal or ulterior motive running through his mind as he made his way through his opponents.

John watched with disinterest, his chest heaving, as Heir Lee dropped his sword in front of him, ceding defeat.

King George’s voice called out, “Heir Laurens is the champion.”

John turned around, applause deafening him. He remained sound enough of mind that he dropped into the expected bow, thanking the King for the declaration.

As the chaos waned, a sense of panic began to fill him. This had been it. The tournament had been his final hurrah before the Mannings came to Mempkin. He was due to be married, chained to a plain girl he had never exchanged a full sentence with for the rest of his life for the sake of doing as expected.

He was ushered to a tent, and his servants peeled the armor off of him and a cool towel was wrapped around his neck. 

“Heir Laurens,” an unfamiliar, sharp voice rang out. 

His servants froze. A moment of silence passed, and John looked over to find a vaguely familiar face.

“Yes?” he asked, raising a brow.

A flush rose to the boy’s cheeks. “I’m Alexander Hamilton,” he said, holding his head high. “I wanted to tell you that I greatly admired your fighting today. My father has always advised me from participating in the tournaments, limiting me to my tutors for exercise.”

John nodded. “I see,” he said. He waved his servants away, knowing that they wouldn’t strip the remaining sweat-soaked fabric until his guest was gone anyway. “You look familiar, but I’m afraid I can’t place the name.”

Hamilton nodded. “We’ve met once before, when you accompanied your father to a ball hosted in my honor.”

Oh. Hamilton. The King’s adopted son who was known to be stubborn enough to refuse to change his name. John’s eyes widened. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he said. “I can’t say I recognized you, Prince Hamilton.”

“Oh no, none of that formality,” Hamilton said, shaking his head and stepping forward. “Not when I have such a huge favor to ask.”

“A favor?” 

“Yes.” Hamilton nodded. “I need you to ask for my hand.”

John blinked. “Pardon?”

Hamilton took another step forward. “Washington is very protective of me, but I want to go out and see the world.” Another step forward. “Please, you’re granted one wish for winning - whatever you desire. Make me the wish, you’ll be rewarded handsomely - the status, title, fame, fortune, a great political boon for your father…me…” Hamilton looked shy all of a sudden.

“I can’t just…” John tried. “You’re the….my Father… surely, the King won’t hear of such a thing.”

“He can’t speak a word against it!” Hamilton said, smiling. “There’s a precedent! Of course, it’s always been daughters, but this can’t be that different!”

“You’re the heir,” John said, staring dumbly at Hamilton. “You’re due to be King.”

Hamilton shrugged. “And you could be at my side.”

“We don’t know each other.”

“No married couple knows each other anymore,” Hamilton insisted. “Please.”

“But-”

“Alexander?” a familiar voice called out. “Lord Schuyler wishes to speak with you, Gilbert told me you’d run off in this direction.”

John narrowed his eyes at Hamilton. “Is that the King?”

Hamilton smiled. “Act fast,” he said before he turned around just in time to greet the King. “Father!”

The King sighed. “Alexander, quit bothering Heir Laurens. I thought I asked you to stay at my side.”

John straightened form his bow just in time to see Hamilton’s hand stretching out toward his. 

“Heir Laurens has a question for you,” Hamilton said. 

The King raised a brow. “Does he really?” 

Washington’s gaze was intense. John had heard as such before, but it was different being on the receiving end of it.

“Yes,” Hamilton said, rushing forward, pulling John with him. “He wishes to have my hand as a reward for winning the contest.”

“I do?” John muttered. 

Hamilton’s grip tightened around his hand painfully. 

“I see,” Washington said, voice cold. “Well, I’m afraid I can’t allow Heir Laurens his request.”

John breathed a sigh of relief.

“But you have to!” Hamilton rushed out. “Past Kings have given up their children before, you have to!”

Washington shook his head. “I don’t have to do anything, Alexander,” he said. “I just got you in the palace, and now you’re conspiring to leave it. The boy’s not even speaking for himself. I know you well enough to know that this is your plan, my boy.”

“Ask him then!” Hamilton said. “He’ll confirm it!”

“Will he know?” Washington asked, words full of doubt. He turned to John. “Is that so? Is your wish my son’s hand in marriage?”

John would swear that he wasn’t speaking for himself in that moment, that it was some combination of nerves, exhausting, and Hamilton’s bright eyes focused on him. But instead of the “of course not, your Majesty,” he had intended on saying, the words that came out were, “Yes, your Majesty. As per the rules of the tourney, I am granted one wish. I wish to marry your son”


	49. Please Don't Let This Be A Dream

Alexander looked up at the sound of a knock on his office door, setting his pen down. He had asked to not be disturbed.

“Hamilton,” Eliza said as she walked in, not waiting for a response. “There is a gentleman here to see you.”

Alexander frowned. “Send him away,” he said.

Eliza stepped forward and laid a hand on his shoulder. “He’s very insistent.”

“Who is it?” he asked.

Eliza’s smile was sad. “I don’t recognize his face,” she said. “But he gave me this.” 

The piece of paper that Eliza set onto the desk was one that Alexander hadn’t seen in years. He reached for it, hesitant even as his eyes traced over the letters.

Alexander swallowed the lump in his throat. “Did he give a name?” he asked, voice shaky.

Eliza squeezed his shoulder. “He’s waiting in the parlor.”

She left him there, his hand still hovering over the letter. It was one he had written with a heart full of love and a desire for the one thing he knew he’d never be able to have. He took in a shuddering breath, the sound seeming to be too loud for the moment.

It was impossible.

The heels of his shoes sounded on the wooden floors as he ventured into the parlor, an odd combination of fury, hope, and resignation swirling through him. 

There was in a fact a man standing in the parlor, back to him, staring out the window. The height was right - the breadth of his shoulders, the curve of his calves, the color of his hair - it was all perfect. Just as Alexander remembered. It was terrifying. 

Alexander straightened his shoulders and cleared his throat, chin held high. It was going to hurt, but he would stand tall through it. 

The man turned around, hunched forward as if sheepish. 

Alexander’s heart felt like it was being torn out of his chest and if a weight he hadn’t known he’d been bearing had been lifted from his shoulders. 

He couldn’t say who rushed forward first, but all thoughts of propriety left his mind as he wrapped his arms around John Laurens. 

John’s smile was shaky, and he raised a hand to the side of Alexander’s face. “Oh, I’ve missed you.”

Alexander could feel the tears burning in his eyes, just as he could feel the stretch in his cheeks from how wide he was smiling. “My dearest Laurens,” he choked out. “You have no idea how much worse off my life has been without you in it.”

John raised Alexander’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. It was bold. For Eliza to walk in on them now would breed disaster, Alexander was sure. But none of that mattered. It didn’t matter. 

“Please don’t let this be a dream,” Alexander whispered. “I don’t think my heart could take it.”

“It’s not,” John whispered, matching Alexander’s tone. 

“How?”

John shook his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’m here now.”


	50. Red Carnation - Love, pride, admiration

John trailed his fingers up Alex’s chest. It was rare that they had times like these, and an awareness was prickling at the back of his mind, all too aware that at any moment someone would come storming in and their lives would be ruined. 

“You’re amazing, you know,” John said, keeping his voice low.

Alex’s eyes blinked open. “I am?” he asked, a playful smirk on the corner of his lips. “Tell me more.”

John pulled himself up so he was supporting himself on his elbow, looking down at Alex. “Oh yes,” he said. “Brilliant. Washington would be lost without you, the army would be lost without you.” He leaned closer. “I’d be lost without you.”

“I don’t quite think that’s true,” Alex said, looking to the side. “If it were, I imagine I’d have-”

“Shhh,” John said. He pressed a kiss to the furrowed space between Alex’s brows. “Don’t get started on that.”

“Then you shouldn’t have brought it up.”

John pressed a kiss to the tip of Alex’s nose, and used a hand to turn Alex’s face to face him. He smiled and caught Alex’s lips in a kiss. “Maybe you’re right,” he admitted.

“Of course I am. I’m amazing.”

John chuckled, moving so he was lying half on top of Alex. “I mean it,” he said.

Alex sighed and wrapped his arm around John’s waist, his hand starting to rub small circles on Alex’s back. John took the moment to just look at Alex, take in the thoughtful expression crossing handsome features. He couldn’t keep the smile from forming had he wanted to.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Alex turned to look at him, eyes wide. His mouth dropped open. “You do?” he asked, voice sounding so much smaller than John had ever heard it before.

He nodded and kissed Alex again. “More than you could ever know.”


	51. I’ll send for you tonight, I need to see you.

Alex knew what the folded piece of paper shoved into his hand meant before he even read the words. John was in impatient man who had the tendency to throw caution to the wind when caught up in a moment. The Prince sent for him when there were whispers being spread about, when duty and honor became the focus of private conversations.

He turned the corner and unfolded it. On it, in the familiar hand of one of John’s secretaries, was “I’ll send for you tonight, I need to see you.” Alex sighed and crumpled it before he shoved it into a pocket. He’d burn it later. 

The days passed as it always did - a flurry of orders being issues, and Alex doing everything he could to have the General’s needs met. The General was a busy man, but anymore that business was confirming orders.

Tonight the General was sharing his evening meal with the King and the Prince. In about an hour and a half, Alex would hear a knock on his quarters and be escorted to the Prince’s chambers. John would usher him in and forget everything he had planned on saying, instead choosing to pin him up against the nearest wall.

Alex took the time to brush his hair, knowing how John liked to run his fingers through the curls. 

The servant knocked on his door and said not a word, throwing him a guarded look before knocking on the Prince’s door to announce his presence.

“You should stop coming,” the servant muttered. “It’d be better for the Prince if you stopped.”

“I know,” Alex agreed. “But as long as the Prince calls, I will come.”

A different servant opened the door, and Alex was let in. A moment later, the servants were dismissed and John and Alex were alone.

John was biting at his lips, eyes flicking back and forth between Alex and the door. “Alexander,” he started. “You know…”

Alex took a step forward and intertwined his fingers with John’s outstretched hand. “Yes?” 

“You should leave,” John said, closing the distance between them and pressing his lips to the side of Alex’s neck. “We need to stop.”

Alex tilted his head to the side to grant John access. “Whatever you say, my Prince.”

John pressed closer, walking them both back until the wood of the door was pressing into Alex’s back. “Later,” John murmured. “I want you one more time.”

“Whatever you say, my Prince.”


	52. I don’t know, that sounds like a ‘fuck off’ kind of growl.

“No!” Alex yelled out as he chased John down the dark alleyway. “This is a bad idea!”

“No story ever starts with a good one!” John yelled back over his shoulder. “Come on!”

“We’ve talked about your thing for vampires!” Alex huffed out as John stopped. 

John smacked his hand onto Alex’s shoulder and squeezed it. “And I’ve told you that you need to accept that vampires need help too.”

“And I’ve told you that you don’t need to be the one to help them.”

John laughed and pulled his hand away. “Come on,” he said. “They’re over here, I think.”

Alex held back the sigh that wanted to come up as they took careful steps forward. There was a deep growl rumbling through the air the same moment Alex caught sight of the dark shape leaning up against the wall. He shot his hand out to the side to hold John back.

“That sounds like a ‘fuck off’ kind of growl,” Alex said. “Are you sure about this?”

John pushed Alex’s arm out of the way. “Absolutely,” he said. John dropped into a more crouched position and took a small step forward. “Hello, there,” he called out to the dark shape. “My name’s John. I want to help.”

Alex followed John, prepared to pull him back the moment anything went wrong. 

They got close enough for Alex to get a good look at the creature - curly hair pulled back into a pony tail, fine clothing, and lips pulled back to bare sharp teeth.

“Definitely a vampire,” Alex muttered.

John held out a hand. “Hey there,” he said. “I’m John. This is Alex. We’re not here to help you.”

The vampire growled again. 

He was attractive, for a vampire. 

“I’m John,” John repeated. “How can we help you? What’s your name?”

The vampire inhaled a deep breath, his nostril flaring. 

A tension-filled moment passed.

“What’s your name?” John asked again.

“Lafayette,” the vampire said, voice slightly accented. 

Alex sighed. He could see from the look on John’s face that John was already attached to the damned creature. It gave a name, it was civilized. 

John reached for Alex’s hand and squeezed. 

“Well, Lafayette,” John said, and Alex could hear the smile in his voice. “How’d you feel about coming with my friend and I here? We can help you get what you need, keep you away from any hunters.”

Lafayette took a hesitant step forward, eyes narrowed in suspicion. “How do I know you’re not hunters?”

“You don’t,” Alex said. “You just have to trust us.”


	53. You had better not be lying to me, darling…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Character Death

There was a sort of maniacal energy flowing through Alex as he spun the knife in hand, catching it mid-spin every once in a while to run his finger over the blade. It was a beauty, really. Eight inches ending in a sharp, deadly point. 

It had been a gift, from Lafayette in return for the convenient disappearance of some meddlesome cousin of his. The handle was white, carved with roses and glittering with the occasional ruby. 

Even in this, John deserved nothing less than the best.

The door squeaked when John opened it - it always did, the middle hinge Alex he always made a show of complaining about and never fixed. John flicked the lights on as he bent down to untie his shoes. 

Alex let his eyes wander to John’s ass - it’d be his last time seeing it alive, it was best to enjoy it. 

He slid the knife up his sleeve and stepped forward, pasting a smile onto his face. He was bouncing as he walked, each step taking an extra beat. 

John’s eyes flicked up at him. “What’s got you in such a good mood?” he asked.

Alex shrugged. “Nothing too much, just happy to see you.”

“That’s new,” John muttered under his breath, not meant to be heard. 

Alex frowned.

John straightened up and turned toward him, arms hanging at his sides. “Today was a long day, afraid I’m not gonna be very entertaining this evening.”

He at least had the decency to look apologetic, or else he would have if he wasn’t such a terrible liar. 

Alex sighed and took another step forward, bouncing on his toes. “Really? Did something go wrong?” 

John took on a weird look, suspicious almost, the glint not at all friendly. Their conversations usually stopped here, neither wanting to prod, neither wanting to cross that line. 

Alex had had enough of it.

“John,” he said, speaking low and soft. “How was your day, my love?”

“…nothing too exciting happened.” John stepped toward the kitchen, putting space between him and Alex. “Are you alright? Is something wrong?”

Alex followed him, sticking close. “Why would anything be wrong, my love?”

“You’re acting…off,” John said, backing up toward the counter.

“I don’t think I am,” Alex said, smiling wide. He could feel the cool press of the knife against his inner arm. It was so tempting. He could reach out right now, watch the blood pour from John’s neck. “Really love,” he continued. “What did you do today?”

John looked to the side. “Why does it matter?”

Alex shrugged. “Just curious.”

“Fine,” John huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I spent all day in the office. Burr took pity on me and brought me lunch.”

Alex let the knife drop into his hand - a skilled movement born from too much practice. “You better not be lying to me, darling.”

John’s eyes widened, eyes flicking down to the gleaming metal. “What?!” he managed. “What are you talking about?!

“You better not be lying, but I know you are.” Alex stepped even closer, still bursting with energy, but now pressing John back against the counter. “No where to go now, love,” he said. “You know about my little hobby, right?” 

The silver of the blade looked so nice pressed up against John’s tan skin.

John swallowed. “We agreed not to talk about that.”

“I’ve changed my mind.” Alex pressed the blade harder against John’s neck. “After all, you’ve been fucking Burr for months now.”

John’s eyes narrowed in the familiar anger that Alex had been waiting for. “Well, can you blame me? I don’t know how I’ve put up with you this long, really, I mean-”

It hurt Alex more than he thought it would to silence John like that.

The blood though, that he had expected.

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to come pester me at my [tumblr](http://ashilrak.tumblr.com)! :^))
> 
> <3 <3 <3 <3 <3


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